Have You Met My Friend Jesus?

Last year I had a number of what I like to call 'close encounters'
No, they probably aren't what you are thinking but rather they were of the 'religious kind'.

Now I am of the belief that whatever you choose to believe in is your own business. I have nothing against your choice, but it is just that, your choice.

As I have mine.

So I was approached not once, not twice, but three times in a relatively short space of time with people who wanted me to be involved in their own choice.

The first encounter occurred on the beautiful North Coast, whilst we were on our camping holiday. We had just been in for a swim and a paddle in the kayak and were relaxing sitting on the beach. Out of the corner of my eye I could se an older gentleman approaching. Thinking we were relatively safe on a public beach, and knowing I didn't know this man I was not too worried.

The next thing he had crouched beside me asking if I had met a friend of his.  Now I know my eyesight isn't the best but I'm pretty sure my hearing is still ok, I asked him to repeat what he had said.

"Have you met my friend, Jesus?"

Looking around, I couldn't see his friend (she of apparent little faith) and then realised he hadn't actually lost a friend but instead was trying to install his own believes on me.

My reply "oh, um, no .....thank you....I'm fine....um...." And then proceeded to turn back to the ocean , doing my best imeprsonation of Jennifer Hawkins lying on the beach.

Of course I would insert a picture here of me lying on the beach, but it appears the camera wasn't working properly so instead you will just have to use your imagination. Here's a bit of help...imagine..whale...beached...struggling for air...sand everywhere... Yep, that's me!!!

Oh, look, the camera was working after all.....

So after that little encounter, I felt as though perhaps that would be enough of others trying to impart their own beliefs on me, and also being approached by complete strangers.  Alas, not to be.

I was in the lovely town of Boooowwwwrrraaaallllll with horse girl one Saturday morning having a coffee discussing life and where we may have inadvertently left the Senior Sergeant.  Due to my condition of not having knees, I was using the illustrious pink walking stick.

As Horse Girl and I went to leave, a table of four young adults looked at me with sadness in their eyes.  I looked at them thinking how lucky they were probably having a dirty weekend away ( well, not all four together as they were two couples, but hey, whatever floats your boat).

Just in case you couldn't picture it.

Next thing one of them stands up and asks me if they could pray for me. Not sure what  exactly they were praying for, I told them  to go for it and do whatever it takes to make them feel happy. Next thing I know the four of them stood up, had their arms around my neck in a type of awkward football scrum and they started howling I mean praying.  In. The. Coffee. Shop.

The owners of this coffee shop are pretty happy go lucky types and I am sure they have seen more than their fair share of awkward moments but even I was nearly lost for words.  Telling Horse Girl to run for her life, I managed to extra ate myself from the scrum ( yes, the Parramatta Eels are wanting to sign me up) and tell them that their thoughts were appreciated but in no way did I need to cause a spectacle nor did I need them too either.

I may have been on a walking stick but I think I did break Sally Pearsons hurdling record to get myself out of that coffee shop,past the outside diners, and into the car and out of Boooowwwwrrrraaaaallllll as quick as as you can skip the next paragraph!!!!

The final encounter was much tamer, although none the less  a little disturbing.  Leaving the chemist with the latest bucket load of painkillers, I stood aside to let a lady of many years into the premises.  Seeing that I was using the aforementioned pink walking stick, she proceeded to tell me all about her son who worked in the mines.

At this stage I was unsure as to whether she was trying to set me up on a date or just have a polite conversation, I stood there feeling as awkward as I looked. Telling me her son's medical history (which immediately put me off dating him) she then threw her arms around me and proceeded to hold me tight and start praying for me.  Feeling that divine intervention was probably about to strike me down, again I managed to extract myself from her surprisingly strong clutches and politely thank her for her care and then again, limp away at my fastest speed, not realising she had also managed to place bright red lipstick all down my cheek.

So, yes, it appears that I did exude a look, or an air, of helplessness during 2013. I know deep down most people are kind, caring and considerate souls but....

FOR THE LOVE OF WHOEVER YOU BELIEVE IN, PLEASE DO NOT ACCOST ME AGAIN!!!!

And if you are laughing at me Sir, well that's just not kosher!!!!!!!!

Lisa XXX