Tuesday, 31 July 2012

Update... Olympic Style

Although I did not make the Olympic team this year (as opposed to all those other years) I have decided to push on for a new Olympic Sport - moving house.

Packing, once again, has me thinking!!!

Surely there could be an Olympic Sport in which we could have people having to pack boxes and crap, move house, and unpack in record time.

And I reckon I would stand a pretty good chance at Olympic Gold.

Of course, there may be some hidden Chinese competitor, or some one from France that no one had thought about, but I think that sporting bet would give me fairly good odds at winning.

Or perhaps a team event....

Am very keen on this way of moving...any volunteers????

Yes, there has been no miracle, and no, I have not won lotto, so we are on the move AGAIN!!!!!

Life sucks sometimes!!!

And it is at the moment!!!

Of course, we still live by the motto ONWARDS and UPWARDS but sometimes the motto behaves a bit like good old James Magnussen relay swim (just kidding James - give it all you've got mate!) and just dissipates into thin air!!!

So I am in the process of packing again. Although, lucky for me (remember, glass half full) I hadn't unpacked EVERY box so at least I have a slight head start (and in my Olympics, I am allowed one!!).

Of course, nothing would run smoothly as we don't yet have somewhere to go. Mmm slight problem that.

I had put an application in on a place around the corner from where we currently are but decided that the owners were asking for about $3 million more per week than it was worth!

Ah, but no. They have decided they would prefer their property to sit there vacant without any one in it and ask a ridiculous price rather than expect my offer which was slightly under the $3m mark.

SO off I go on the internet trawl again.

Surely, something will come up...soon...really soon...like REALLY BLOODY SOON.

Anyway, back to packing. I wonder what uniform the Olympic House Moving competitors should be wearing?


or this.....

Would save on washing!!!!!!!

And incidentally, do the beach vollyeballers really need such skimpy pants??????
And what is she pointing to...wedgie anyone??????


Lisa x0x

Sunday, 22 July 2012

House No. 38798765

My regular readers (yes, all two of you) will know that we recently moved house.

For the 813th time.

Being renters, it appears that once we live in a property for the lease period the owner then decides to sell the property.

We obviously look after the place too well.

This has happened to us for the last 6 properties.

But, now, I have another new experience. It appears the landlord/owner of the property we moved in to 6 weeks ago, THAT'S RIGHT, SIX WEEKS AGO, has not being paying the bank what they owe them so the house is being repossessed.

In less than a month.

SO guess what??? Yep, we are on the move again.

I am not too sure how to face this one as this last move completely wiped me out. Must be getting older but I haven't got over this last move yet and we are at it again.

So, we still have a few boxes in the garage that are not unpacked, and they WILL be staying that way.
And now, guess what I am off to do....yep, pack some more frigging boxes.

Not that we have somewhere to go to yet. The real estate agent have advised me to keep looking at their website because they feel 'sure something will come up'. Yes, thanks Captain Obvious, something no doubt will come up but whether it suits us, is affordable, and the owner is not going to sell it nor have it repossessed, I shall wait to see.

So there you have it. If anyone else wants to throw something at us, now would probably be a good time.

Oh, and if you know of an unwanted house, let me know. I may know someone who is interested.


Lisa  x0x

Saturday, 21 July 2012

Magic Wand Needed

Yesterday I had a new experience. Yep, at 46  36 years of age (cough cough) I experienced something for the first time.

However, I really wished I hadn't. With. all. my. heart.

I went with a wonderful friend while she had her first chemotherapy treatment.

This friend only found out very very recently of this ghastly disease in her body.

This friend who has been listening to me whine about no job, possibly having to move again (yes, that will be in the next post), the endless visits to medical practitioners trying to find out when Horse Girl will ever get off her crutches, and some ranting about certain people/places who should know better.

And then, when I came up for air, she told me what she had been doing the past couple of days.

I have sworn a lot - and questioned the universe a lot too.

But, it is about staying positive. I am there for whatever and whenever she needs, for her and her family. I have searched and searched for the magic wand because all I want to do is make it better. And go away.

And never come back. Ever. To anyone.

At least we still can use our warped sense of humour. I have been cooking some meals to give her a break, but in the last batch I did have to say - Well if this frigging cancer doesn't kill you, my cooking probably will.

Don't judge me for that. That is how we are together. We have to make light of things around us.

And it is up to me to stay positive and send her positive thoughts every minute of every day.

I saw an ad on TV last night for Daffodil day. It's on August 24. There are not many people in this world who have not been touched themselves or someone they know by this hideous disease.

So if you can, buy a daffodil. And send positive thoughts to those who are suffering, and to those who are searching for the cure. And to the families who have been left behind.

And for the carers and medical staff. The nurses in this place yesterday were literally angels.

Let's beat the crap out of this frigging disease.

ANd if anyone finds those magic wands, please send one my way


Lisa x0x

Tuesday, 17 July 2012

Real Reality

Ok, I admit it.
I tuned into The Shire last night!
Horse Girl, Senior Sergeant and I sat transfixed to this terrible waste of 1/2 an hour that we can never get back in our lives.
We laughed. We were amazed. We tried to pull our lips over our heads to see who had the most botox.

It really was terrible.

We read, and posted, comments on facebook.

And then I felt mean. Who am I to judge these people?
Maybe if my show was reality television, people would laugh at me (or find my life pathetic - either/ or).

I started to think whether or not their had been some serious editing done to make two of those cast members look so bloody ridiculous it actually became not funny.

And how do those two feel today?

Are they oblivious to the way they were portrayed, or maybe then even liked it?
Or maybe, just maybe, they felt as though they were portrayed unkindly. and unjustly.

I don't know and frankly, don't plan to give too much time nor energy on thinking about it.

But today, I read of a little boy who at only 5 years of age passed away last night after suffering a terrible illness which was diagnosed only THREE months ago.

THREE months ago he was enjoying his first year at school, playing with his brother and keeping his Mum and Dad entertained.

And now, he has gone.

Today, his parents, brother, extended family, friends and school mates would be wondering what on earth has happened. Why is life so cruel? This little boy who only experienced a tiny amount of life, who should be talking incessantly to his school mates, who should be running around outside on this sunny day and kicking a footy, or going to dance class, or just doing whatever he damned well wanted to.

I don't know this little boy, it was only through the power of social media I came by his story.  But I am so sad for him and his family.

And that, my friends, is REALITY.

RIP Little Talin - you are an angel now and have a job to watch over your Mummy and Daddy and your little brother. I hope all your pain and suffering has gone now.

And I am going to hug my kids a little bit tighter tonight.

Lisa x0x

Friday, 13 July 2012

What Guard Dog?

I have written in previous posts about Charlie The Wonder Dog, our golden retriever.

Of course, I was never allowed a dog when I was younger because of my two brothers. No real explanation - I just blame them.

So Charlie is a wonderful addition to our little household, we have now had him for 6 years (I think) and he is larger than life.

But unfortunately, he ain't no guard dog.

He is a Retriever though, as he has come home with many different items when he has escaped the yard. Awkward moment was when we lived in one place and I didn't know he was getting out when I was at work and kids were at school, other than the fact that on arriving home there was always a shoe awaiting me at the front door.,

No, not mine nor Horse Girl's nor the Senior Sergeant's!! The neighbours. Who had just moved in. And kept ALL their shoes outside as they had new carpet and didn't want to dirty it.

Of course, there was also the issue with Lucky the Chook, who did survive a Charlie cuddle. And the dead mouse (well, that wasn't a family pet at least).

But since we have moved into the latest house, I have had two lots of unwanted visitors come knocking at the door. Well, one lot were very unwanted, but the second one was looking for previous tenants.

So what does the WOnder Dog do I hear you ask????  He just welcomes them, guides them up the path and then licks them waiting for a pat.

Meanwhile, he can bark in the middle of the night if an ant crosses his path until I get up and scare the big scary ant away (or I threaten him that if he doesn't shut up I will.....um......I will...get really cross).

SO Charlie, please can you try and act a bit scary when unwanted people arrive - even a bark or two would be good. I know you just LOVE everybody and LOVE it when they pat you, but NOT EVERYONE IS NICE!!!!!

Don't be deceived, he hides when he is in the car!!!!
I have to put my head out the window and bark just to save face in dog world!!!!!


Lisa xox

Thursday, 12 July 2012

Wax On Wax Off Episode 2

The two regular readers of my blog will know that late last year I had a full leg wax for the first time in over 10 years. No, I have not being growing them in that time as I like smoooothhhhhhhh legs but after a terrible episode I steered clear of it until taking the plunge late last year before the inaugural camping trip.

No, i haven't been back for the legs again because let's face it it's the middle of winter, we live in The Highlands and with electricity bills these days, any type of body covering has to be a good thing.

However, I do like to keep my eyebrows tidy (well, a girl has to have SOME standards!!!).

So today I toddled off to the beautician to have those caterpillars on my face attended to.

Of course, walking into the beautician I managed to trip over the front step and instead of graciously arriving in to the calm peaceful serene tranquillity of the beautician, I managed to let out a stream of expletives and ask if 'Just for once today something could go F$%#@^@^G right (today has been a bit of a challenge in more ways than one but let's ;eave that for yet another post - needless to say it will hopefully make entertaining reading at some stage but it is too close at the moment!!!)

Standing ever so gracefully and waiting my arrival (well, I like to think so) were two serene, calm, peaceful beauticians who then proceeded to ask me how my day was.

"Well, unless you have three bottles of wine (and I ain't sharing) and a good couch for me to lay on and about 35 boxes of Kleenex, you probably shouldn't ask that question!" was my reply.

After they scurried away to no doubt call security about the strange and weird looking mad woman at the front, who had also just caught in a torrential downpour without adequate items to prevent looking like a drowned rat, I then sat on their beautiful and serene couch to try and take it all in.

Of course, after 10 seconds I had proceeded to nod off only to be called by the lovely Ms B to follow her through to the room of terror where the procedure would occur.

Now, I have absolutely no issue with having my eyebrows waxed - I could have lain their for days and not moved an inch whilst she worked her magic.

Of course, her lovely serene voice then asked again how my day was to which I ever so quickly replied that best we don't discuss that but more importantly how was her day.  Her ever so interesting reply was that she got caught in the rain without her umbrella so she was slightly water damaged (where I do not know ) and that she hoped the rain stopped as her brother was going skiing.

Not wanting to 'dampen' the situation (ha ha ha) I asked of she did indeed know what snow was made of and unless he was the James Magnussen of the ski slopes (get with it, the Olympics are coming up - you need to know that name) that it was highly likely he may get a little wet anyway.

This obviously stumped her as there was no more conversation but just hot wax all over my eyebrows.

As I was laying there wondering if I would win lotto next week, she then proceeded to put more hot wax on my eyebrow area. Now, my eyebrows are not overly large, and not particularly hairy as I do keep a pair of tweezers in my car for plucking whilst waiting at traffic lights when the sun shines so perfectly on those little stray hairs so I did start to become a little concerned.

Next thing I know, she has stripped that god damn wax off my eyebrows as well as half my forehead. Now, I did look in the mirror this morning and did not notice that I had started to grow hairs on my forehead so unless something strange happened today I was a little concerned.

I did ever so politely question as to WTF she was doing when her ever so gentle and serene reply came back to say that she had dripped some wax and this was the easiest way to get it off.

SO I now not only have perfectly groomed eyebrows, I appear to have a hairless forehead which I did anyway) but I am a little concerned now their may be some regrowth and my next visit will be booking in for an eyebrow and FOREHEAD WAX!!!!!!!!!

Wax on, Wax Off!!!!!!


Lisa xox

p.s. Oh, I was going to post some pictures of my beautifully groomed eyebrows but my forehead just kept getting in the way