Wednesday, 29 February 2012

Leap Year = less $$$$

I'm baaaaccccckkkkkk!

Haven't been around much the past few days as I seem to be working every waking hour, and some sleeping ones, in one of a number of jobs.

So, I am very concerned to read that today, 29 Feb, I will be working for nothing.



Yep, those buffoons who decided that every four years we needed an extra day put into the calendar didn't actually think that those of us on a salary will not get paid the extra moula.

In one of my jobs, I am questioning myself as when I signed the contract I would have been so much better off working on an hourly rate. However, this may have bankrupted the company so that is perhaps why they decided against this.

I get paid monthly from that job, which can be a bit of a killer. Oh yes, when the pay goes in, everything looks damn fine and dandy! Woo hoo, let's have a partay! My account is actually in the positive.

Then pretty much from the next day it means we are back on me working out how many meals I can make with mince and a dried carrot over a month and the Senior Sergeant begging me to buy lotto tickets. Of which Horse Girl has pretty much already got those $$$ spent.

Now with all this leap year crap, I have to work an extra day, which unfortunately is one that will start at the crack of dawn and finish about 10pm tonight and for NOTHING!!!


Friday, 24 February 2012

The Dream Job

Having had a  helluva number of jobs over the years, I am always interested to hear of people's dream jobs. You know, when people say - I just LURVE going to work, I would do it even if I wasn't paid (WTF???).
I ran into someone I knew recently who after a serious health scare, is back doing his job, as a Pilot. he said that he feels so lucky to be doing something that he loves and gets paid a 'shitload' of money (sorry Mum but that was his words). Mm, think I may have left it a bit late to e a pilot!

So I was interested to hear of the lady in Melbourne who after working in a taxi call centre, decided that this was not the dream job for her (having never worked in a call centre, I do not know what is involved but wonder if it could be someone's dream job!). So she resigned and followed her dream.

And what was her dream?  Oh, simple. She wanted to be a mermaid.

No, she isn't three. She is in her late twenties and after watching that absolute crap classic movie, Splash, many years ago, that was what inspired her career aspirations.

That's right, I superimposed Daryl Hannah's head on my body!

Now of course, when little girls and boys watch these movies, they may want to be a mermaid, a princess, even a wooden doll (Toy Story for those of you a bit slow this morning) and so they may have a little dress up box.

Not sure if there are too many mid to late twenties adults who have decided to follow their toddler dreams but good on her I say. I didn't actually know there was a big market for mermaids but obviously there is.

Although the job description is that she just swims, sits on the rock and lounges around. Mmmm, not a great deal involved in the job - could be ok for some.


But, she does have a choice of six different tails that she can choose from so i guess she has the same wardrobe dilemmas the rest if us have every day.

mmm, have to start thinking about my dream job! What's yours?


Lisa  x0x

Tuesday, 21 February 2012

Just Call Me Jules

No, not the red headed PM!

Julia Roberts!  Yes, JR (as I like to call her) and I have had a similar experience  albeit hers was in Pretty Woman and mine was in real life - and no, I am not a hooker!

Of course, many of you would have had a similar moment I am sure ?????

You know, when she struts into the posh shop and the attendants look her up and down and decide that she is not worthy of their clothes or attention and she is made to leave. Of course, the best bit is when she comes back with cash up to her eyeballs and they trip over them Jimmy Choos in trying to help her.

Well my story is a little similar, a little different (as in the ending - I am still waiting to be cashed up to return to the shop and spit on them - well, maybe not spit as I do have standards but you get my drift).

It wasn't long after we made our little country change and I was not working full time. We were living about 1/2 hour out of town so I decided on this day i would venture in to the big smoke - aka Bowral - and have a wander around.

I was freshly showered and wearing a pair of jeans (clean, no holes, unlike the Youth of today - oops, my nana voice has snuck out), my boots - clean, and a jersey type top - clean!  I was mozzeing (not sure of that is correct spelling but say it out loud) around and walked to the end of a particular arcade. It was a clothes shop so thought I'd wander on in.

Now I won't name this shop, but some of you from the area may quickly guess it! The 'ladies' (and I use that term loosely) sit behind a rather large desk in the shop and quickly give you the once over as you walk in.

I just smiled nicely at them and said Hello, as I will chat to almost anyone!  One of them managed to extract herself from her chair and come up and ask me if I needed any help (well, the obvious answer here was yes but am not sure she meant that type of help!). I politely said no I was just browsing but thank you.

She then proceeded to look me very carefully up and down a number of times before deciding that... "Oh, I don't think we would have anything in here that would SUIT you!".

Mmmmm, noice!!!

So, after a momentary pause when I was quickly thinking of what to do, I felt I only had two options. I could either say thank you and creep backwards out of the shop with my head bowing to her highness or I could use my most 'skanky' voice and say "Nah, youse are probs right! Don't think anyfing here would be much good for me"

Can you guess which one I used?

Now, if only Richard Gere would turn up with cash I could go back in there and..and.... and "tell em there stuff is orf!"

Has this happened to you? Please explain


Lisa xox

Monday, 20 February 2012

I'll Take The European Sojurn!

With my daily time wasting newspaper reading, I am often amused at what makes the headlines , or features.
So it was with some amusement that I read over the weekend that 21st  Birthdays now rival weddings in cost. Mmmm, now that's bizarre interesting.

Apparently one must spend at least 6 months organising such and book an expensive venue and wear a dress costing the equivalent of a brief European sojourn. Oh, and of course, the images of everyone having fun MUST be posted on to social networking sites the second they are taken so EVERYONE can see that they REALLY ARE HAVING FUN.

I vaguely remember my 21st with fond memories. We had it in my parent's backyard where the big thing was we hired a tarp and a wooden dance floor. Of course, the only concern here was that the backyard had a slight slope and after the mini cyclone that tore through the neighbourhood one hour before the guests were due to arrive, did mean that once the dancing started, most of the guests slipped down to the bottom end of the dance floor.

Apparently 21st's now are seen as some type of landmark (seriously, that is what Kat from Killara said - I thought a landmark was like the Harbour Bridge, or the Big Potato in Robbo) and it is where all the people who are important in their lives show up. Are you for real? That used to happen every Friday night when we would go to the pub - all the people important to my life were there.

Oh and of course, one SIMPLY MUST HAVE a designer frock (this may/may not include the boy's as well - wasn't specified) and this of course must cost the equivalent of a small car. Now I have clear memories (but unfortunately no photos to post here) of what I wore to my 21st! Picture this - weighing a significant amount less than my current fighting weight, I wore black! Now, I know that may not be a surprise to some of you but hear me out.

It wasn't just any old black number. It was a black off the shoulder wool jumper, with a silver sequinned snake across the neckline (which was off the shoulder but I don't know how to describe it any other way) - I KNOW, why I didn't go into fashion design I do not know. This was teamed with a long straight black wool skirt (can't remember the shoes!!!) and of course the obligatory fuchsia pink fake nails. Oh, ONE mustn't forget the afro perm that also featured heavily in my life at the time.   Yes, you got it, an absolute stunner. Oh, if only we had booked the professional photographer like they do nowadays. Instead, I think we had Uncle Trev taking the photos on the old box brownie.

Food - I hear you ask? Oh, none of this schmancy fancy nouvelle cuisine where the girls are so thin they just share a lettuce leaf between 6 of them. No sirreeee - we had the good old fashioned pig on a spit with Mum's obligatory coleslaw and Aunty Josie's potato salad.

Of course, I could go on and on regaling the tales of the night and talking about the family fight when my cousin arrived with his skanky girlfriend and upset one of my most favourite Uncles in the world, but what's the point (and I mean SKANKY!!!!!!!!).  Unfortunately, some of the fond memories have dimmed due to  the passing of time (not THAT long ago) and the copious bottles of Spumante that were drunk.

But one lasting memory is of Mum and her sister, the afore mentioned Aunty Josie, who after a few tipples, decided to join the dance floor in a  rousing edition of Aga Doo  (see link below for a reminder of this classic). Although somewhat amusing - what starts in a game ends in tears and I have a clear memory of them slipping down the wet not quite even dance floor and ending up on their own Aga  doo's, but still performing the actions

Aga Doo Link - go on, press it - you will LOVE it

O, and if anyone can explain this song, DON'T!

So, you can have your schmancy pants soirees costing millions of $$$$ but give me the tarp in the backyard, pig on a spit, and Aga doo any time. THAT is what memories are made of!


Lisa x0x

Disclosure - I did not write this post because I feel inadequate or have a simple mind so if Gina Rinehart's children are reading this - please don't!

Thursday, 16 February 2012

Please Don't Marry My Kitchen

Last night I sat down at I have no idea what time and turned the TV on. Senior Sergeant who likes to have complete control of the remote had passed out after his school camp and Horse Girl was doing some homework.

Up came My Kitchen Rocks or something. What are these people on? Sorry, I thought that chefs had to train and gain apprenticeships and be yelled at for being completely incompetent and then decide to become famous by being on some reality show. But no, you just have to be really mean to go on this show, and be completely full of yourself to boot!

But, after 5 minutes I decided that this show was obviously not for me as I wanted to throw avocados at the television and knock these pretentious gits off their high horses.

So I changed the channel to some show about mothers trying to marry their sons off. This show was absolutely bizarre! The mummy's boys that I saw were in their late twenties or thirties and the mum's cooked some dish which the girls had to replicate. Then the 'boys' had to blindfold taste test. OMG I have just wasted 10 minutes of my life watching this pathetic excuse for a show and I will never get that time back.

Oh, and I hope that this show has been sponsored by a fake tan company as I think perhaps some all of these girlies have tandooried (is SO a word) themselves a bit much!

Please help, are there any decent TV shows on - someone...anyone?????

Lisa xox

Wednesday, 15 February 2012

Naked cowgirl in booze-fuelled car chase

No, it wasn't me!

But I just had to share this new story as I think it is just brilliant a reminder to us all about the dangers of drink driving!

It happened in the good old US of A where an 18 year old female person (just using police speak here - well it wouldn't be a female hamster would it - how could they reach the pedals) was visited by the local constabulary.

She was just minding her own business standing in the backyard in her birthday suit plus a fetching pair of cowboy boots. Not wishing to discuss any issues with them, she raced to her Jeep (I am not sure why that is relevant but I guess it sounds much more exciting than saying she raced to her Toyota Camry) and then drove off.

possible Getaway Car

A police chase then ensued, with speeds of 48 kilometres per hour. Not I am not condoning speeding here in any way but really - a police chase reaching speeds of 48km per hour? Were they on roller skates?

Anyway, once the young lady person came to a stop, a lovely young police woman then raced over to the car (she must have been on a unicycle as why she had to race over to the car baffles me) and helped the young cowgirl dress (into what???) and gave her a sobriety test - gee, wonder what that entailed!

Right Young  Lady, let's get you dressed!!!!

Interesting that the article states that this all happened in an upper middle class neighbourhood in Texas. Oh right, so she obviously had high standards then - imagine if she was wearing just a pair of volleys!!!

And don't the fashion police say before you leave the house take one thing off - so she did! Her dress!!!

So, Horse Girl - looks like you won't be getting cowgirl boots after all, can't have you driving around in them!!!!!

Have a good day!

Lisa x0x

Lollies in your Sleeping Bag!

The Senior Sergeant has been off on a school camp for the past couple of days. He is due home this afternoon, which is good for me as I missed him (so did his sister but she might not admit it).

He didn't go far, just to an outdoor education place belonging to one of the posh Sydney schools and it was literally down the road.

He was very very excited about it, and a little apprehensive I think, but they were going to be doing lots of fun things like abseiling and playing in the mud (of which there would be heaps considering our daily thunderstorms - seriously - are we living in Darwin?) so no doubt he will be a little weary and a lot dirty.

A few things he decided to pack!

The Senior Sergeant was a little concerned though last week as he wanted to know about the food. They weren't allowed to take ANY food, not even lollies (I mean really? Why not lollies? All school camps should be a complete overdose on lollies with a few even chucking them back up in the sleeping bag).  It appears he may have discussed this situation with the Principal as I overheard him assuring his sister that they did indeed get snacks in between their main meals and that he may even have to eat ALL the vegetables on his plate at dinner time just to stave off complete starvation and malnutrition.

I then remembered my school camp in primary school where we caught the train to the Blue Mountains then had to walk about 3500 miles (they were miles then) to some convent where we stayed in dormitories which were absolutely freezing. I do not have any recollection of what we did whilst there except for the bonfire at night and the teachers who snuck off to have a pash behind the bushes. Oh, and I am sure we had lollies. Heaps of them.

So Senior Sergeant, I am looking forward to seeing you this afternoon when you get home, hopefully with everything you went away with and some fun memories of your primary school camp (and maybe even a few lolly wrappers that you snuck in!!!)

I did go a little crazy with the labelling

Do you have any fond memories of school camps?


Lisa x0x

Tuesday, 14 February 2012

Happy WHAT?

I know, I am like the Christmas Grinch (but I'm not because I LOVE Christmas) but what is Valentine's Day about really!!!
Yes, so I am single and will get nothing, nudda, nought, zip, stuff all for it.

I have received flowers on past Valentine's Day, although I do admit this was some time ago and it was also when you didn't have to mortgage your house in order to receive a dozen roses or such.

I even remember being taken out to dinner for a Valentine's Day or two, but that was WAY back in my hey day.

So, I am wishing you a non Happy Valentine's Day. Now, I could say I don't believe in it, but then what would I do if I received 200 dozen roses from a secret admirer (and I am guessing that won't be from anyone related to Gina Rinehart's family) or someone offered to take me out to dinner, or even just drive me somewhere, anywhere, just so I had a little tiny break from always driving.

So, in the interests of you all out there in cyberspace who are looking for gifts for Valentine's Day (mmm, left it a little late haven't you!) I have come up with some gift ideas for you.

Of course, there are the usual contestants such as edible undies etc but how about Human Key holders

Just pop your keys in - handy!!!

Bet you never thought of that one

or how about this one..

Yes, the boyfriend pillow - oh, so many things can be said here but I'll leave it to you

Sponsor an animal - nothing like mentioning that she now has a pig named after her gets  her in the mood
Yes, couldn't resist the cute pic!

Grow a boyfriend  - now this is an actual growing thing as I gave it as part of a 50th birthday present to a good friend not that long ago (mmm, now come to think of it I haven't heard from her for a while)

And finally, here's something that I bet for the 'hard to please' woman you love

"Show your wife how you really feel with a gift that says "I can't wait for you to die." Just make sure to really pour on the romance when you look deep into her eyes and ask whether she'd like to be shoved into the cold earth or burnt until she's nothing."

Click on this link for the ad

So Happy Tuesday to everyone and just think - at least you didn't spend $250 for a dozen roses, but here's the number for Funeral'r'Us!!!


Lisa xoxo

p.s. Here's a heart for you on Valentine's Day

Monday, 13 February 2012

RIP Whitney

Yet another sad news item appeared yesterday with the news that US singer Whitney Houston was found dead at the aged of 48.

The singer/songwriter/actress was a gorgeous looking woman when she 'arrived' on the world music scene over 20 years ago, but due to the excesses of her lifestyle, she had not aged particularly well, and of course the media loved to gain pictures of her looking more than terrible.

One of the saddest parts of this story is there is a teenage girl now who is mourning the loss of her mother. Whitney may have been a superstar but she was also a Mum.
Whitney with her daughter

Whether you liked her music/acting or not, she was a person just like you and I - remember, we all shit the same!  But, yet again, the perils of drug abuse took their toll on this woman. As I write this, it has not been proven whether she died of a drug overdose or not, but it is no secret that she had a problem.

So, whilst the world will mourn the passing of Ms Houston, as it should, let us remember that there is a girl out there who has lost her Mum.

And, let's also talk to our kids, our friends, our partners, indeed our parents, about the horrible truth of what drugs can really do. And let's hope that there are people out there who have decided that enough is enough and they make the call for help, and that it is answered.

This pic is not taken years apart, but shows what damage can be done in a VERY SHORT SPACE OF TIME

If you, or anyone you know, needs help, maybe give Lifeline a call - 13 11 14. If only someone had been there to help Whitney, and so many others.

Whitney is not the first, nor the last, who has had drugs ruin their lives. But maybe we need to think these 'stars' are no different to you and I, and that ANYONE can be affected by drugs. And maybe, just maybe, this will be a wake up call to someone who needs help, to get it. Help is there, believe me.

RIP Whitney, and to all who have passed where drugs have played a huge part in their lives. May you all now find the peace you so desperately searched for in life

Lisa xox

Saturday, 11 February 2012

Ahead of the Times, Again

Our dream for a few years has been to find an old caravan and do it up - retro style.
Even before this was so 'in' we have wanted to do this. Remember my profile pic...

Many a night is spent scouring ebay and looking at the 'bargains' that can be had and with a little bit of tlc, and a lot of $$$, can be done up and we could start our longed for trip to all the Big Icons around this great land.

So, lo and behold, I open the Sydney Morning Herald early on Saturday morning to find that it is now 'in' to do just that. Oh yes, all the yuppies are now buying up the old vans and sending them off  to be 'reinvigorated' so they can go travelling around their coffee shops in the Eastern Suburbs. Indeed, one of the people they interviewed stated how she liked to go in her little van and drive down to Bondi or somewhere and just park the van and watch a dvd sitting inside.


What is that?

You have a great little van which you have now furnished with some over -priced cushions and you sit in it watching a dvd???

See, we would be going places....

The Big Pineapple

The Big Penguin

And even the Big Gumboot !!!!!

and singing songs.....   (it's not ABBA so click on it)

or the Senior Sergeant's favourite  (you HAVE to click on this one)

and for Horse Girl  (just keep watching - after the first 10 secs you will get it)

and the final one for me which I have been known to sing rather loudly out the window- unfortunately when the window has been open

starting with something like this....

or this...

and hopefully turning it into something like this...

or this..

or this...

or my favourite...

and NOT WATCHING DVD'S whilst parked in a side street in Bondi!!!

So, if you see any old vans lying in a paddock and calling out my name - let me know. I'll even sing a song for you as a thank you!!!!


Lisa xox

Wednesday, 8 February 2012

Eye Eye Captain!!!

It appears that I have been taken a wee bit too serious with my what was meant to be a light hearted post about Ms G. Rinehart and her greedy, conniving, spoilt brat offspring. If you are unsure what I mean, go back to my previous post and see the comment I recieved, and then the one I delivered. ( Oh, and please don't take me too seriously).

So today, in the interest of humanity (and my sanity) I will instead be a mother boasting about the achievements of one of her children!

Yes, the Senior Sergeant has now been bestowed with his official title of School Captain.

No, I will not be calling him Captain when he is at home, nor does this mean he gets to delegate all his jobs to his sister (which he suggested).

But, I am once again, very proud of the young fella (yes, he even got a hair cut for the official ceremony), just as I was proud of Horse Girl when she achieved such status (No, have NO IDEA where they get their sense of responsibility from).

So, I will now let the pictures tell the story, whislt I look for more ways to deliver my opinion and be dealt savage comments.....

Now official!

Sam with the blonde who has the simple mind (aka Mum!!!)

Yep, taller than NANA!!!

The whole class were looking great today receiving all their badges but I won't post the pic of the whole class as I do not have their permission.


But you still have to put the bins out tonite Sammy!!

Love Mum xxx

Monday, 6 February 2012

Down to My Last $60K

I am very concerned about a fellow Australian. This woman, indeed a mother, is in a very dire predicament.

You see, she is 'down to her last $60,000'. I don't know if that means for the day, the week or even the month but she is asking "Mummy" to help out with the family finances.

I am sure we all want to help our kids, emotionally and financially where we can, but I just don't know how this woman cope.

Yes, she is one of the daughter's of Australia's richest woman, Gina Rinehart. I actually don't know a great deal about Ms Rinehart other than the fact she came back with a quick reply when the silly old Duke Of Edinburgh made some ridiculous comment to her whilst on his last tour (talk about hanging on your wife's coat tails).

I think Gina may have eaten the Duke??

And of course that she HATED her wicked stepmother, Rose Porteous, but I think she might have been a little bit more worried about her bank accounts rather than if the wicked stepmother would make her wash the floors.

It appears that Gina Rinehart has had a few children to a few different partners - so money obviously can't buy happiness- and that they seem to live all over the world. Three of her four children have launched court action against their mother as it appears she is just not giving them enough pocket money for them to shout a full round at the pub and now the suppression order has been lifted so we can all peak into their world and see what happens when you are that frigging rich.

Of course, this particular daughter, Hope Welker, is very concerned as she can't live anywhere else but the US because anywhere else means someone might kidnap her or her children (gee, Hope, I have NEVER heard of anything like that happening in the Good Ol' US of A).  She is also in desperate need of a full time nanny, a full time cook, oh sorry, a full time CHEF, and a bodyguard (how bout Julia Gillard's body guard - he is good in a scrum)  because they are going to be richer than Bill Gates and EVERYONE ELSE who doesn't have as much money as they do has staff??? 

Oh wait, maybe I am being  a bit cruel. Hopeless is actually asking for these for her birthday - so it's not just like she is asking for them out of left field. She NEEDS a chef so that her kid can eat properly, she needs a security guard (although I thought she said USA is the safest place) and she MUST HAVE  a nanny so she can go out!

Gina' s son now lives in Thailand with his family, just in case the baddies here get home (once again, NEVER heard of this happening in Thailand). Now, he is doing 'OK' as he is able to 'support' his family in a modest manner. This is because he works as a day trader and so in the last 6 months he has been able to earn about $160 000 or so.  Well, that is one way of 'modestly supporting the family'.

Now I don't mean to be nasty or cynical but can you people GET A FRIGGING LIFE.

Sorry, I don't believe that your mother has ever paraded you around like the Beckham Brood or the Pitt Jolie Sound of Music choir so perhaps you should be grateful for that.  And dear people, I would love to be down to my last $60 000 when all I had to worry about was learning how to cook a good old spag bol or having to support my family on a modest means of 4 times what I earn in a year.

I think there is one missing - maybe Posh ate her - look at her face

So, my suggestions to these poor children of Gina Rinehart is perhaps they might like to go and 'get a job' and in turn, get a 'life' and stop annoying your Mother like the kids do in the lolly aisle in the supermarket.

Anyway-  I'm off now to call Mum and ask her why I don't have a personal masseuse, a driver, and someone who can do all my work so I can just navel gaze. It must be her fault.


Lisa x0x

Wednesday, 1 February 2012

Thank You For The Music

So this post wasn't an original idea of mine
I have to thank one of my regular readers - The Phantom Poster - who leaves comments on my blogs - who started replying to me in ABBA song titles.

Ah, I thought, well eighty-one can play at this game so I have now stolen their idea and have decided to make this blog completely full of ABBA song titles, and therefore my own idea. You have to see how many you can count and for the winner - I am happy to do my own recording of Dancing Queen on a cd for you - how good is that!!!!

So, upon my Arrival at Waterloo, I had to Bang a Boomerang whilst waiting for my Honey Honey who was at Dream World (yep, that's one)

I asked Does Your Mother Know, when he said Chiquita, Gimme Gimme Gimme some Money Money Money but before you ask, I Am Just a Girl and I Have A Dream but Knowing Me Knowing You, I am asking you to Lay All Your Love On Me.

Mamma Mia, Nina Pretty Ballerina, he replied. I said I will have to yell SOS if you don't Put On Your White Sombrero so I might have to go, but I will Ring Ring.

You might have to Take A Chance On Me, but Voulez Vous, I will Thank You For The Music. When All Is Said and Done, I remember When I kissed The Teacher. Why Did It Have To Be Me, I asked, when we could be As Good As Knew. We should just Dance While The Music Still Goes On otherwise I will have to call Elaine.

Mmmm, not too sure about this one, I hope they didn't reuse that alfoil

I'm Gonna Sing You My Love Song, but remember The Day Before You Came, Fernando, that there was an Eagle who was Head Over Heels and just about As Good As New. 

Remember, He is your Brother, who was Givin' A Little Bit More, who might be able to fix that Hole In Your Soul but I Saw It In the Mirror so I Let The Music Speak because I'm  a Marionette and I've Been Waiting For You.

I Wonder  that If It Wasn't For The Nights I would sing The King Kong Song but because You Were Like An Angel Passing Through My Room  as though There Was A Merry Go Round, I asked what was The Name Of The Game. On And On And On it went till Our Last Summer but One Of Us would have to Rock Me whilst things were Slipping Through My Fingers.

So Long, Super Trouper, Tiger and I will be going to The Tropical Loveland where we can get Two for The Price Of One.  Just remember, You Owe Me One.

Hasta Manana Baby!

And as my sign off to you today, please click on the link

because if you can't beat them, join them!!!!!

oh, here's another one you may like

and another

and maybe one more

Ok last one, and this is my tribute to the bestest band ever in the whole of history and the universe

That's it -I'm buying ABBA for the Wii - we don't need to eat next week but we can SING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!