Tuesday, 29 January 2013

Thanks and a Little Update!

Firstly, thank you to those who read my last post and contacted me in one way or another offering help.

I never cease to be amazed by the amazing friends that we have - THANK YOU ALL!

And to the ANONYMOUS commentor on that post - you actually don't have to read my blog. It is your choice. If you don't like it, DON"T READ IT. Or if you do wish to read it and can only think of nasty things to say - GO AWAY. Anyway, your comment has been removed. Cos I am here for good not evil!!

So, we are moving.


Luckily, we have found a house that we all like, in a town in The Highlands that we haven't yet lived in (and let me tell you, there ain't too many of them left now).

The house is great, the kids are ok with it (ok with the house, not ok with the whole process!).

I am signing a 12 month lease but as history has proven, that is not worth the paper it is printed on. I have put in a call to the world's best (and rather cute as an added bonus) removalists (and if you are in The Highlands - you cannot beat Moss Vale Removals - I should own them by now but they are truly fabulous) and just waiting for them to let me know when they'll back that truck up again.

So the next few weeks are going to be filled with packing, chucking, packing some more, and impatient to be settled again.

But, we will get there.


Because this is how in control I look when moving house

And  yes, I know there are many people in the world, in our own community, who are suffering a hell of a lot more than we are.

But sometimes, life just........ keeps you busy!!!!!

It is yet another new start for our little gypsy family (well isn't that the world's most appropriate name for us) and with the Senior Sergeant starting high school in a couple of days and Horse Girl entering into that wonderful Year 9 phase, who knows what 2013 will bring.

I just hope it is one of laughter, love and happiness for all (cos honestly, WTF else could happen?????)


Lisa x0x

Keep scrolling

Yep, a truer picture there never was!!!

Sunday, 27 January 2013

Self Indulgent Rant

Well, I had hoped that there wouldn't be another post look like this for the next 3 million years but alas, never a dull moment.

For those of you smartypants who guessed my little teaser on facebook recently, YES, WE DO HAVE TO FRIGGING WELL MOVE AGAIN.

I guess you could say that we have lived in this place for a while now, well, almost 5 months, so I guess it is a long time for us.

Oh why didn't you sign a lease? I hear you ask.

Let me tell you, rental leases are not worth the paper they are printed on. Yes, we continue to sign leases when we rent properties, and silly silly me always requests a 12 month lease so that Horse Girl and the Senior Sergeant have a modicum of stability in their lives. Yes, we signed a 12 month lease but, oh no, the owners have changed their mind and decided to move back in.

"Oh, we appreciate your discretion in this matter' mutters the real estate agent.  "They are in a somewhat comprimising position so we need to look after them."

Now I used to have compasssion, indeed I was full of it, for other people and their circumstances.  I hope that I still have some for certain people.


Sorry for shouting but honestly, they need a break! .I have  been absolutely dreading telling them, as they have been away on hols, and in fact ended up physically sick whislt waiting for them to arrive home to tell them.

How do you tell your kids that we have to move again, this will be our fourth house in 12 months.

But, I told them. And you know what?  There were a few tears and a bit of anger but they are so BLOODY BRILLIANT that they have just accepted it.....AGAIN.

I cannot tell you how proud I am of these two kids who have had to suffer more than a lot in their short lives but just keep on keeping on. They don't have all the latest gadgets, they don't have everything that opens and shuts, but they do have the most amazing personalities, looks (yes, I know - from their mother!!!) and they have the most incredible resilience.

They have gone through their parents marital breakdown and subsequent divorce, having to sell the family home, move houses every 3 minutes, but rarely do I hear them whinge and complain about what has been served to them.

SO yes, this is a self indulgent post.  You don't have to read any more - just close the page down.

But, to my two beautiful, gorgeous, incredible, amazing, resilient, tough as teak children, I LOVE YOU BOTH TO THE MOON AND BACK AND BEYOND.

Every day you both inspire me, you are the most amazing gift that I have been given and I will love and treasure you both for ever.

Thank you for coming in to my life and for being so strong.

And honestly, what more could happen!!!!!!!!!


Lisa xox

Thursday, 24 January 2013

I Can't Show You My Face - I'm a Dentist!

No doubt you have all been waiting on the edge of your chairs/lounges/horses etc for the next instalment of my adventures driving 689786 km to work this morning.

Well I am pleased to let you know that there were no major incidents, that I was involved in, on the daily commute this morning - only a diesel spill at the servo but I didn't do it so I did what most people tend to do with these things - looked the other way!!

I'm the one looking the other way!

But I thought I would enlighten you on what may potentially be my next career move (and for those of you who don't know me, this would be career move # 54673.

So, one of my jobs at the moment is that I am currently working for a major health charity. I look after fundraising and events for a reasonably large regional/rural area and so work from a remote office. Now, let me just try and paint the picture for you.

I have a laptop - which invariably sits on my lap.  Why, I hear you ask (two dogs?? Oh, an oldie but a goodie!!)???

Gratuitous puppy pic!!!!

Well the office space that I am using is a reasonable size with 5 desks set up in it as well as the kitchen sink (actually two sinks - seems a little overboard!!). Sounds cushy????

It would be other than for the fact that there are 10 people who work out of this office. Not with the same company as me but all health related!  Now this can prove to be rather difficult when everyone is 'in' as certain people have their own desk, and the rest of us plebs have to fight for one, or use their lap for their lap top.

Still not the best solution as we then don't have enough chairs.  And our office is located within a dental surgery!

I typed in dental surgery and this was the image that came up!!!!!!!

I kid you not.

So, the other day, I was sitting on one of the chairs in the waiting room of the dental surgery trying to do all my important work stuff!!!!!!

Oh, then I remembered I had to have a teleconference (I'm sorry but can someone please supply me with a few tips on how to stay awake during a 1 hour teleconference when certain people just will not shut the beejeezus up and the rest of us are trying to keep their head from bouncing on the table??).

Well, you never would have guessed (no you wouldn't have!) but I ended up using one of the actual dental surgery rooms for my teleconference. Now I have quite a pathological fear of the dentist so to find myself in this situation was not amusing in any way, shape or form.

SO here I am sitting in the chair on my call when the drill starts up in the next room. Oh for crying out loud - is this for real or what???  Of course, being the consummate professional, I then started to emit some rather strange noises, similar to a cat being slowly stretched to within an inch of its life, and then had the facilitator of the call question as to whether I needed a moment.

my new office

Needed a moment???? Mate, I needed the whole frigging bottle shop as I sat there reflecting on my illustrious professional career when I had the use of cab charges when visiting pubs/clubs on the weekend in the big cities - all part of working for a brewery - to being upgraded on flights and staying in 5 star accommodation around the country and having to do presentations to every man and his dog to working in the illustrious world of magazine publishing, as well as teaching all those brilliant kids over the years.

And here I am at the ripe old age of 26 36 40 and a few years and sitting in a frigging dentist chair listening to some goose telling me how to run a frigging event when i would have run more events than he would have had cold showers (well, he is a bit of a tosser!!!).

So there you have it my friends! How I blow where the wind takes me (ahem!!) and who knows, next time you go visit the dentist, it may be me in that white coat, drill in hand and telling you to spit!!!!!

I said SPIT not S&%T!!!!


Lisa xox

Wednesday, 23 January 2013

Just Call Me Flo!!!

Some of you (well, the three that read this nonsense) may know that I have not been in complete full employment with one employer of late, but rather spreading my general intelligence across a wide area.

One of the latest companies to benefit from my many many skills (ahem) is a rather well renowned charity raising funds to finally eradicate the horrible disease that is cancer.

Many of us have been affected in one way or another by this, but this post is not about that, but rather a few little tidbits about my working days these past couple of weeks.

I am only part time (let's face it, so are most people even when employed full time) and work in rather interesting conditions.

Firstly, the commute is 1 and 3/4 hours each way (I know!!!) so there is a lot of singing along the way. Of course, a lot of very intelligent thoughts also cross my mind on the commute and I have basically worked out how to solve world peace, how to reduce the national debt, and how there should really be nicer toilet stops with lovely coffee offered to those who drive a long way to work.

Now this morning, I must admit I probably wasn't in the most alert frame of mind whilst driving down the highway as I had a late meeting last night and by the time I got home, killed the latest frigging bloody huntsman in the loungeroom (no, I AM NOT inserting a picture of the spider as I have a pathological fear of them), discovered that the wonder dog had had a slight nervous breakdown due to an electrical storm in the Highlands that afternoon and had decided to completely shred the bbq cover with his teeth, and wrote up a sponsorship proposal needed for 9am this morning I hopped into bed for about 3 1/2 hours sleep.

So, whilst singing away pretending that I was indeed Alicia Keys and I was indeed a GIRL on FIRE, I looked to the side of the road wondering what the 'lump' was.

As I drove past, I realised that the 'lump' was actually a bloody person lyingin the gutter.
Oh for crying out loud!!!! Is this just a story for the blog or what???

So, after reducing to the legal speed limit (nah, all good there!!!) I then had to reverse back up the Hume Highway (not recommended) and try not to run over the poor bugger.

Popping on my little Florence Nightingale outfit, I jumped out and ran over to the poor fellow who had no idea who I was, where he was, or indeed who he was.  Without thinking that he might possibly just pull a gun on me and rob me of all my worldly posessions (or the $20 that the Senior Sergeant had left in the car) I tried to see if he was ok. Luckily for me, Big Al (yes, that really was his name) the truckie had pulled over as well and we tried to sort out what was going on.

Using my renowned emergency skills, I phoned The Ambos and the local Coppers who did not appear overly concerned. Perhaps when I was trying to tell them our exact location -"OK well, it's on the Hume Highway, probably about 10 mins north of Federal Highway turn off, there is a big tree and then a little tree, oh and I can also see a dead roo about 50 metres up the road"

Well, they are the bloody experts - they should have known where we were. Use bloody google maps!!!

Anyway, the ambos managed to find us and Big Al decided he was happy to wait for the coppers as he thought I may have been ready to give them a piece of my mind as to how the hell did I know the bloody location on the highway where this poor fellow was.

So thanks to you Big Al - you did look a bit scary when you get out of the truck but  you are good fellow with a heart of gold mate, and I hope you continue safe on your travels.

And good on the ambos too - I think this poor old fellow was off his head and they were so caring - you guys are angels.

And next time, oh well, I just hope Big Al is on the road as well.

Stay safe in all your travels


Lisa xox

p.s. Next post will be how I can also claim to be a dentist - seriously!!!!

Monday, 14 January 2013

How Much For Rudolph's Nose?

Ok, so I know many of you have been anxiously awaiting the next instalment of the Griswold Evans family Christmas debacle

When we last spoke I believe we had made it to the Land Of Nod, i.e. The Retirement Village of Nana and Pa and had partaken in the first of a number of Christmas feasts.

The following morning I telephoned the good people at the NRMA mechanics who advised me that the world had indeed closed down for a couple of weeks and that my car was not going to be ready for approximately 25 weeks.

Oh and that it would indeed cost approximately $3 million for the parts alone.

So, after a massive slight meltdown and deciding that it appeared my life was indeed over by this point, we managed to convince Disneyland Dad to make the trek to The Land of Nod to come and pick us up.

It appears the absolute desperation in my voice worked once for him and up he came to pick up Horse Girl the Senior Sergeant and myself.  Of course, the awkward moment occurred once again when we all rendezvoused but hey, get over it, and move on people.

Playing happy families, we drove back down the F3, with me noticing that D Dad is still quite possibly the world's most impatient driver and wondering if we were going to end up on one of those Cop shows.  But, let's face it, beggars can't be choosers and it wasn't me who was going to get fined (for once!!!).

After a swim, we all felt better and then proceeded to spend an interesting Christmas Eve together (although there was the awkward moment when the neighbour came over and I was exiting the bathroom after a shower and ...well...I am sure he will recover his eyesight within the next month or so).

Waking up at 3.20am on Christmas morning, the Senior Sergeant proceeded to ensure that Santa had indeed visited (this from the boy who EVERY OTHER YEAR has had to be WOKEN UP!). After making some undecipherable noise, I managed to get another 6.5 minutes sleep and then spent a cheery morning discovering what the Big Fella had left.


With the kids going off to D Dad's family for Christmas lunch this year, they then dropped me at the train station (I know - wtf???) so I could return to the Land of Nod for yet another Chrsitmas meal. It has been some time since I have caught a train so of course I had no idea where/what/how the whole thing worked.

Of course, I had to catch two trains didn't I which made the panic in my throat start to burn me and with me suggesting to the ticket lady that she indeed travel with me as I had no idea what I was doing.

Upon her rejection, I made my way to the correct platform and managed to negotiate my way on to the train without falling over (and let me tell you, this is quite an amazing achevement for me)  and then managed to exit the train and find my way to another bloody platform for the ride up the coast.

Now this was my first time ever on a train on Christmas Day (I know, go figure!!) and I thought I would quite possibly be the only one on it. Oh, what a sheltered life I lead becuase the train was bloody well packed.

I managed to fight my way to a seat and shove my bag under my feet so was sitting with my knees up around my chin, but hey, it's Chrsitmas!!!!  Of course, mere moments later, the seat next to me was filled with what can only be described as a FREAKING NUT CASE who would not shut up the whole bloody trip.

Now, of course, I am not one to shy away from a conversation but I could not understand what in the hell this particular chappy was talking about as he kept repeating what I was saying but in some sort of 'tongue language'.  Praying for an emergency to occur, of course nothing happened so I decided to pop the ear plugs in my ear and listen to some music in the hope that he would SHUT THE HELL UP!!!

Oh no, of course not, he then unplugged one ear of mine and popped it in his ear so he could listen as well.

SO Countrylnk  I do apologise for leaving those contaminated ear phones on the train on Christtmas Day but SERIOUSLY!!!!!!!

Anyway, I managed to get back to the Land of Nod just in time for Christmas lunch when I was informed that there would be HAM SANDWICHES for CHRISTMAS LUNCH because a certain two had had a little disagreement that morning and nothing had been sorted.

Yippee - can life get any better?  Upon shoving a piece of ham down my throat I then curled up in the foetal position and managed to sleep for two hours (and let me tell you, this is an achievement for me)  when upon waking the delicious smell of pork belly was wafting through the house.

A lovely Christmas dinner was had with a bottle or two of Pa's finest (of course he tells me afterwards he had a bottle of Bollinger there just in case - IN CASE OF WHAT???? THAT I HAD TO CATCH A FRIGGING TRAIN ON CHRISTMAS DAY???)  and then went to bed confident that things could only get better.

Pic of Pa's garage fridge!!!!!

Which of course they did as by lunchtime on Boxing Day my knight in shining armour had arrived at The Land of Nod on his big white stallion (well car anyway but same thing) to rescue me and try to put some sanity back into my life. Of course, there is not enough thanks in the world for this heroic rescue effort but hopefully he understood how grateful I was when upon seeing his car turn up I threw myself on the bonnet whilst the car was still moving screamng at him to 'JUST KEEP DRIVING, DON"T STOP'.

Hi Ho SIlver....

Then the following day I get hold of the  mechanic who advised me that the only available part for my car was one which was indeed made of pure gold and encrusted with diamonds as the rest of the motor vehicle world would not be returning to work until July 2015.

So, after selling a body part (and I still don't know why no one made an offer on my liver??) on ebay, they managed to fix my car, and returned it to me after  they had nicely vacuumed it. VACUUMED IT?? They should have turned it into a freaking convertible with the ability to float on water and make me a skim latte on the journey to work with what it cost!!!

Handpresso Auto design
Honestly, who needs two hands on the wheel

But of course, all's well that ends well and I am happy to report that other than the fact that I need yet another new tyre and the brakes have about 10% life left in  them, we are all travelling well.

Except for that frigging bloody great big Kangaroo which bounded out in front of me on the Hume this morning on my way to work - mmm, brake function may be down to about 2% now!!

Stick to your own lane buddy!


Lisa xox

Friday, 11 January 2013

Deck the Bloody Halls......

Yes yes Happy New Year and all that jazz.

I know that we are all over Christmas festivities now, just trying to cope with the credit card bills that have started to arrive (or is that just me???) but I thought I would share with you some of the experiences that the Griswold  Evans family had over the festive period - cos as you all know, there is never a frigging dull moment!!!!

So after months of negotiation, it was decided that Christmas would be held at my place. Yah - I shouted from the rooftops - that means I don't have any major driving this year for Christmas for a change.

Cos traffic is hell everywhere this time of year!!!

Now this past Christmas was Disneyland Dad's turn with the kids so the plan is that we play happy families on Christmas Eve night at his place, await the pitter patter of Santa's footsteps, wake up nice and early and rip into the presents then I was to head back from the big smoke to the humble little countryside.

Of course, as plans do, this was changed as everyone decided they basically couldn't be stuffed coming to my place!!!  Ah, ya gotta love families at Christmas time!!

Somewhat appropriate????
So, the plans were for Horse Girl, The Senior Sergeant and myself to drive up to the sunny Central Coast on the Sunday before Chrissy to see Nana and Pa and have the first of many Christmas meals with them.

Then, after an evening of eating and present opening, we were to drive back to Disneyland Dad's for Chrissy Eve, then Chrissy Day after more present opening I was to drive the normal 45 minute (which of course on Chrissy Day takes 3 1/2 hours)  back up to the retirement village (and that is a whole OTHER story) for Christmas again then Boxing Day back in the car for a bloody change and head home to the Wonder Dog!!!!

Ah yes, the best laid plans.................

So, we got as far as Sydney and the petrol station and that's when it all started!!!

Whilst waiting for some bloody idiot Audi driver to finish filling up his tank, clean his windscreen, polish his shoes, blow his nose and apply his lipstick BEFORE he went to pay, I could hear some hoon revving the beejeezus out of their engine.

Of course, our happy little trio was looking around to see who the goose was but couldn't work it out with all the frigging Toorak Tractors in the station.

I jumped out to fill the tank, and after taking out yet another mortgage to pay for the fuel, jumped back in the car and turned the engine on to hear that bloody hoon revving his engine.

Upon driving out of the service station, and with very little power, we realised that the ratbag hoon was indeed us and that we somehow appeared to have gained a jet plane engine under our hood!!!!

       Yes, the engine came from this, it just looks so much prettier in the sunset!!!!

Trying to decide whether to ignore it or not, the Senior Sergeant suggested that perhaps we should pull over and take a look.

So we did.

I pulled over, got out the car, looked at the car.......but nothing else happened.

So after a call to the lovely man at NRMA, he suggested we wait in the shade (oh, I did tell you that it was 40 frigging degrees didn't I???) for the next available patrolman.

But not before asking if I had children with me.

"Oh yes, I have two children here with me in this stifling heat where there is no shade" I replied (trying to make the children sound like they were two and crying!! - oh don't judge, you would do the same!!!) so that meant we were bumped up in the queue!!!!!

Then along came Joe the Patrolman. Now unfortunately I proceeded to then call him Jack from then on but he seemed happy enough with that.

Ok, this wasn't Joe or Jack, apparently this is Patrolman Jason - just go with it!!!

"Mmmmm, ahhhhh, ohhhhh, mmmmmm" murmured Jack as he was looking under the car.
"It seems you have lost your exhaust pipe," announced Jack as he was straightening himself up and attending to the third degree burns his body had just sustained from looking under the car whilst lying on a hot bitumen road.

"That's not too good is it" I replied (ah, no shit Sherlock!!!)

After looking at me in bewilderment and no doubt thinking that I was a few roos short in the top paddock he then advised me that "Nah mate, not too good" so off we followed him to the mechanics not too far away.

Of course it was a Sunday and no one was open.

Now, I'll try and shorten it from here!

This meant that Ma and Pa had to come down from the Retirement Village to pick our little trio up whilst Disneyland Dad also came to pick up some luggage and gifts that would be needed for Christmas. Being on non speaking terms, I would have bet the GDP that they would arrive at just the exact same time - which of course they did. After yet more awkward moments, Disneyland Dad left with a car full of presents and we continued our journey to the land of nod - oops, I mean the Retirement Village.

A lovely early Christmas dinner was had and after a bottle glass or two was drunk by me it was time for bed and to find out about the car in the morning.

Deck the halls...oh fa la la la la to you too!

Ok, this is taking far too long - I need to go and have a drink  cup of tea to settle my nerves from reliving this whole story.

The next instalment will continue in the next day or so when you will find out how I had to sell a body part to pay for the repairs and why I never want to catch a train on Christmas Day again!!!


Lisa xox