Monday, 14 January 2013

How Much For Rudolph's Nose?

Ok, so I know many of you have been anxiously awaiting the next instalment of the Griswold Evans family Christmas debacle

When we last spoke I believe we had made it to the Land Of Nod, i.e. The Retirement Village of Nana and Pa and had partaken in the first of a number of Christmas feasts.

The following morning I telephoned the good people at the NRMA mechanics who advised me that the world had indeed closed down for a couple of weeks and that my car was not going to be ready for approximately 25 weeks.

Oh and that it would indeed cost approximately $3 million for the parts alone.

So, after a massive slight meltdown and deciding that it appeared my life was indeed over by this point, we managed to convince Disneyland Dad to make the trek to The Land of Nod to come and pick us up.

It appears the absolute desperation in my voice worked once for him and up he came to pick up Horse Girl the Senior Sergeant and myself.  Of course, the awkward moment occurred once again when we all rendezvoused but hey, get over it, and move on people.

Playing happy families, we drove back down the F3, with me noticing that D Dad is still quite possibly the world's most impatient driver and wondering if we were going to end up on one of those Cop shows.  But, let's face it, beggars can't be choosers and it wasn't me who was going to get fined (for once!!!).

After a swim, we all felt better and then proceeded to spend an interesting Christmas Eve together (although there was the awkward moment when the neighbour came over and I was exiting the bathroom after a shower and ...well...I am sure he will recover his eyesight within the next month or so).

Waking up at 3.20am on Christmas morning, the Senior Sergeant proceeded to ensure that Santa had indeed visited (this from the boy who EVERY OTHER YEAR has had to be WOKEN UP!). After making some undecipherable noise, I managed to get another 6.5 minutes sleep and then spent a cheery morning discovering what the Big Fella had left.


With the kids going off to D Dad's family for Christmas lunch this year, they then dropped me at the train station (I know - wtf???) so I could return to the Land of Nod for yet another Chrsitmas meal. It has been some time since I have caught a train so of course I had no idea where/what/how the whole thing worked.

Of course, I had to catch two trains didn't I which made the panic in my throat start to burn me and with me suggesting to the ticket lady that she indeed travel with me as I had no idea what I was doing.

Upon her rejection, I made my way to the correct platform and managed to negotiate my way on to the train without falling over (and let me tell you, this is quite an amazing achevement for me)  and then managed to exit the train and find my way to another bloody platform for the ride up the coast.

Now this was my first time ever on a train on Christmas Day (I know, go figure!!) and I thought I would quite possibly be the only one on it. Oh, what a sheltered life I lead becuase the train was bloody well packed.

I managed to fight my way to a seat and shove my bag under my feet so was sitting with my knees up around my chin, but hey, it's Chrsitmas!!!!  Of course, mere moments later, the seat next to me was filled with what can only be described as a FREAKING NUT CASE who would not shut up the whole bloody trip.

Now, of course, I am not one to shy away from a conversation but I could not understand what in the hell this particular chappy was talking about as he kept repeating what I was saying but in some sort of 'tongue language'.  Praying for an emergency to occur, of course nothing happened so I decided to pop the ear plugs in my ear and listen to some music in the hope that he would SHUT THE HELL UP!!!

Oh no, of course not, he then unplugged one ear of mine and popped it in his ear so he could listen as well.

SO Countrylnk  I do apologise for leaving those contaminated ear phones on the train on Christtmas Day but SERIOUSLY!!!!!!!

Anyway, I managed to get back to the Land of Nod just in time for Christmas lunch when I was informed that there would be HAM SANDWICHES for CHRISTMAS LUNCH because a certain two had had a little disagreement that morning and nothing had been sorted.

Yippee - can life get any better?  Upon shoving a piece of ham down my throat I then curled up in the foetal position and managed to sleep for two hours (and let me tell you, this is an achievement for me)  when upon waking the delicious smell of pork belly was wafting through the house.

A lovely Christmas dinner was had with a bottle or two of Pa's finest (of course he tells me afterwards he had a bottle of Bollinger there just in case - IN CASE OF WHAT???? THAT I HAD TO CATCH A FRIGGING TRAIN ON CHRISTMAS DAY???)  and then went to bed confident that things could only get better.

Pic of Pa's garage fridge!!!!!

Which of course they did as by lunchtime on Boxing Day my knight in shining armour had arrived at The Land of Nod on his big white stallion (well car anyway but same thing) to rescue me and try to put some sanity back into my life. Of course, there is not enough thanks in the world for this heroic rescue effort but hopefully he understood how grateful I was when upon seeing his car turn up I threw myself on the bonnet whilst the car was still moving screamng at him to 'JUST KEEP DRIVING, DON"T STOP'.

Hi Ho SIlver....

Then the following day I get hold of the  mechanic who advised me that the only available part for my car was one which was indeed made of pure gold and encrusted with diamonds as the rest of the motor vehicle world would not be returning to work until July 2015.

So, after selling a body part (and I still don't know why no one made an offer on my liver??) on ebay, they managed to fix my car, and returned it to me after  they had nicely vacuumed it. VACUUMED IT?? They should have turned it into a freaking convertible with the ability to float on water and make me a skim latte on the journey to work with what it cost!!!

Handpresso Auto design
Honestly, who needs two hands on the wheel

But of course, all's well that ends well and I am happy to report that other than the fact that I need yet another new tyre and the brakes have about 10% life left in  them, we are all travelling well.

Except for that frigging bloody great big Kangaroo which bounded out in front of me on the Hume this morning on my way to work - mmm, brake function may be down to about 2% now!!

Stick to your own lane buddy!


Lisa xox

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