Friday, 11 January 2013

Deck the Bloody Halls......

Yes yes Happy New Year and all that jazz.

I know that we are all over Christmas festivities now, just trying to cope with the credit card bills that have started to arrive (or is that just me???) but I thought I would share with you some of the experiences that the Griswold  Evans family had over the festive period - cos as you all know, there is never a frigging dull moment!!!!

So after months of negotiation, it was decided that Christmas would be held at my place. Yah - I shouted from the rooftops - that means I don't have any major driving this year for Christmas for a change.

Cos traffic is hell everywhere this time of year!!!

Now this past Christmas was Disneyland Dad's turn with the kids so the plan is that we play happy families on Christmas Eve night at his place, await the pitter patter of Santa's footsteps, wake up nice and early and rip into the presents then I was to head back from the big smoke to the humble little countryside.

Of course, as plans do, this was changed as everyone decided they basically couldn't be stuffed coming to my place!!!  Ah, ya gotta love families at Christmas time!!

Somewhat appropriate????
So, the plans were for Horse Girl, The Senior Sergeant and myself to drive up to the sunny Central Coast on the Sunday before Chrissy to see Nana and Pa and have the first of many Christmas meals with them.

Then, after an evening of eating and present opening, we were to drive back to Disneyland Dad's for Chrissy Eve, then Chrissy Day after more present opening I was to drive the normal 45 minute (which of course on Chrissy Day takes 3 1/2 hours)  back up to the retirement village (and that is a whole OTHER story) for Christmas again then Boxing Day back in the car for a bloody change and head home to the Wonder Dog!!!!

Ah yes, the best laid plans.................

So, we got as far as Sydney and the petrol station and that's when it all started!!!

Whilst waiting for some bloody idiot Audi driver to finish filling up his tank, clean his windscreen, polish his shoes, blow his nose and apply his lipstick BEFORE he went to pay, I could hear some hoon revving the beejeezus out of their engine.

Of course, our happy little trio was looking around to see who the goose was but couldn't work it out with all the frigging Toorak Tractors in the station.

I jumped out to fill the tank, and after taking out yet another mortgage to pay for the fuel, jumped back in the car and turned the engine on to hear that bloody hoon revving his engine.

Upon driving out of the service station, and with very little power, we realised that the ratbag hoon was indeed us and that we somehow appeared to have gained a jet plane engine under our hood!!!!

       Yes, the engine came from this, it just looks so much prettier in the sunset!!!!

Trying to decide whether to ignore it or not, the Senior Sergeant suggested that perhaps we should pull over and take a look.

So we did.

I pulled over, got out the car, looked at the car.......but nothing else happened.

So after a call to the lovely man at NRMA, he suggested we wait in the shade (oh, I did tell you that it was 40 frigging degrees didn't I???) for the next available patrolman.

But not before asking if I had children with me.

"Oh yes, I have two children here with me in this stifling heat where there is no shade" I replied (trying to make the children sound like they were two and crying!! - oh don't judge, you would do the same!!!) so that meant we were bumped up in the queue!!!!!

Then along came Joe the Patrolman. Now unfortunately I proceeded to then call him Jack from then on but he seemed happy enough with that.

Ok, this wasn't Joe or Jack, apparently this is Patrolman Jason - just go with it!!!

"Mmmmm, ahhhhh, ohhhhh, mmmmmm" murmured Jack as he was looking under the car.
"It seems you have lost your exhaust pipe," announced Jack as he was straightening himself up and attending to the third degree burns his body had just sustained from looking under the car whilst lying on a hot bitumen road.

"That's not too good is it" I replied (ah, no shit Sherlock!!!)

After looking at me in bewilderment and no doubt thinking that I was a few roos short in the top paddock he then advised me that "Nah mate, not too good" so off we followed him to the mechanics not too far away.

Of course it was a Sunday and no one was open.

Now, I'll try and shorten it from here!

This meant that Ma and Pa had to come down from the Retirement Village to pick our little trio up whilst Disneyland Dad also came to pick up some luggage and gifts that would be needed for Christmas. Being on non speaking terms, I would have bet the GDP that they would arrive at just the exact same time - which of course they did. After yet more awkward moments, Disneyland Dad left with a car full of presents and we continued our journey to the land of nod - oops, I mean the Retirement Village.

A lovely early Christmas dinner was had and after a bottle glass or two was drunk by me it was time for bed and to find out about the car in the morning.

Deck the halls...oh fa la la la la to you too!

Ok, this is taking far too long - I need to go and have a drink  cup of tea to settle my nerves from reliving this whole story.

The next instalment will continue in the next day or so when you will find out how I had to sell a body part to pay for the repairs and why I never want to catch a train on Christmas Day again!!!


Lisa xox

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