Tuesday, 10 September 2013

This May Offend!!!!

So this wasn't meant to be the next post - I still owe you another one about a school experience. And that is quite a funny story.

This will come!

But, this post I need to vent. Big. Huge. So much that I may, unintentionally, offend some.  So please feel free to go somewhere else.

I am fed up. Completely. Utterly. Over it.

And if you can explain any of this to me, go for it.

Why is it that some people can work their guts out, not intentionally offend others, but just do the right thing and then get the raw end of the deal????

Work. Pay taxes, Look after their own. Not bludge. Not expect the government to support them when they can easily get off their bums and go and earn money to look after themselves and their families and STOP BLOODY BLUDGING.

Because the money that you take from the government should be used for those that really and truly need it.

Not me. I am working. Ok, some days are a bit harder than others with my legs at the moment but so what. A bit of pain, but onwards and upwards.  I don't expect you, or anyone, to give me money. I don't expect the government to pay for my surgery. Of course, it'd be great but why should they pay for me. I'll either find the money or have to wait a bit longer. Let me tell you, not ideal but so what. You, nor the government, or actually the taxpayers of Australia owe me!

Because that money should be going to those who need it.

Like people who suffer from illnesses, including life threatening ones, who can possibly only survive by trying certain drugs, which aren't on the free or whatever list the government has. 

A drug that may prolong and extend a life of quality, so that a family can continue to live as best they can, whether it be a beautiful child who for some inexplicable reason has been struck down with an insidious disease.

Or a loving parent who has thought they had beaten an illness only to find it return and with a hope of a certain drug but it costs tens of thousands of dollars and where on earth are they going to find that money when they still need to provide for their family?????

I am over it. I am over seeing certain charities claim to raise money and it doesn't go to where it is needed but rather for certain staff to have amazing Christmas parties or whatever.

I am over seeing Governments, whoever is in power, wasting my money, as a taxpayer, on the most ridiculous of items when there are people suffering every single day, who don't deserve too.

And I am over those bludgers who think they have it tough and live off the Government/Australian taxpayers and don't get off their bums and take a bit of responsibility for themselves and /or their families by getting a frigging job!

I am happy to pay my taxes and work so that it helps those who are not able too. But only those who are NOT able to, not those who CHOOSE not to.

Because I want to know how they can afford their new cars, fancy pants items, every electronic item under the sun, nice holidays etc etc 

Oh I guess if I didn't pay rent or school fees or utilities  or other items that I take responsibility for as an ADULT, maybe I too would be like that.

I choose not to. I choose to be responsible for myself and my kids, and I'm not asking for anything for me. But I want people to go into some of the children's wards in hospital's, or cancer treatment centres, and other such areas to see where taxpayers money REALLY should be going.

Anyway, this probably won't make sense to some. And it may irritate others. But it's my opinion and I'm entitled to it, just as much as you are to yours.

Lisa

Friday, 9 August 2013

It's Been a While.......

Yes, It has been a while.

No, we haven't moved house ...again...yet!!!!

But life just seems to get in the way.
However after thousands of requests (ok, one!) I am back.  Now it's up to you if you want to read it.

So I am currently back teaching - think I am much better suited working with kids than many adults. They make me laugh, cry, pull my hair out, but I get paid to have fun when I work so there;s no complaining about that.

I am not going to say where I am currently working for obvious reasons but am teaching a great bunch of 8 year olds for a period of four weeks which I am in the midst of. These kids are heaps of fun and we have great days every day.

But I will tell you of  a couple of interesting incidents this past week.

The first was Open Day which was last week. This is when parents, grandparents and random people come in and check out the work the kids have done, and make sure the teacher knows what they are doing (oh well, almost got it).  As it's not my class full time it is a little more difficult but these little troopers worked so hard and we had the room looking great - heaps of their work up and really colourful (and a couple of hundred dollars later with me getting things in to brighten the room up).

Being the temporary teacher is cool because it means you can always play the good guy.  We had heaps of parents and grandparents come in which was great.

Until the awkward moment when a certain grandpa took a bit of a liking to me (yeah yeah I know - he's only human!!!!).  

Now poppy Joe was all of 90 and was on two canes. He was also 85% blind and about 3000% deaf.   But of course his opening line was "Well, they certainly didn't have teachers like you in my day" and this was followed by an evil laugh.



Of course, being the person that I am I just politely laughed then tried to push a number of small children out of the way so I could get as far away from this man as possible.  I have absolutely nothing against elderly men of course but in case you don't remember, you may want to revisit this post...

http://countrygypsies.blogspot.com.au/2012/01/black-bra-vinnies-and-elderly-man.html

Anyway, every time I turned around, there was Poppy Joe leering at me. I think there may have even been a slight dribble coming out the side of his mouth.  But I continued on my polite and merry way advising the parents that "yes, little Sally is a lovely girl but that does not make her gifted and talented" and  'yes, little Bob is polite but I am not sure that the voting for school captain for 2017 is underway just yet'.

Trying to talk to so many parents and then cuddling a new baby (am I running for PM or what??) did mean I let my guard down ever so slightly.  Until I felt a clammy hand on my ass and a slight squeeze. As a small amount of vomit crept into my throat I turned around to a toothless smile (I swear he had teeth when he came in) and a twinkle -or a bit of dust- in his eye. 

Now as I am still trying to seek permanent employment (and not a sugar daddy) I had to be very careful here. Of course those of you who know me personally know how tactful I am (insert cough) so I had to be very careful here.

Let's just say I managed to hurdle a couple of desks, and quite possibly a couple of small children and a stroller to get to the door and announce that open classrooms were finished and everyone should leave NOW!!!!!!!!!!!  (and with the current state of my knees, hurdling was no mean feat!!!).

Now, if you think that was an interesting day, wait until the next post.

It features a parent meeting, and a very unsual word for the spelling list!!!!  Dictionary meaning anyone?????

Have a great day

Lisa x0x

p.s. No pictures in this blog. I just couldn't do it!!!!

Tuesday, 16 April 2013

Random Acts of Kindness

The other day I was the recipient of a random act of kindness. It was a very small gesture that someone did for me but he didn't have to do this for a total stranger and it really made my day.

So much that I thanked him profusely until almost to the point of embarrassment and I told him that I hoped someone did something for him very soon.

Today, the world reels from the shock of yet another act of violence bestowed upon the innocent.

People who were just running. People who were out supporting family and friends.  Volunteers and emergency service personnel working together to ensure the Boston Marathon was the success it deserved to be.

I don't know anyone who was there. Perhaps that is lucky. But it could have happened anywhere, at anytime, to anyone of us.

And it makes me so sad.

Sad to think of the little boy who was there cheering on his Dad. That little boy didn't make it. His sister has lost a leg. And his Mum is in a critical condition following brain surgery for injuries sustained.  This family were on a family day out.

Just like all the others that were there. On a day out. Supporting a loved one. Being part of a community.

As I watched the tv coverage and read articles on it, I came across something on facebook. It was a quote from Fred Rogers (I have no idea who or what he was/is but I really liked this).

It said "When I was a boy and saw scary things in the news, my mother would say to me "look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping."

And as I thought about how we can explain such another human tragedy to our kids, this has stayed with me all day. People who ran towards the explosion to lift barriers off people, to pick people up, I even say a lady runner run along and help two people who were pushing an obviously disabled child in a pram to get them out of harms way fast.

No doubt there will be lots of heroic stories to come in the days ahead.  And that is what I will focus my kids, and myself on. Because I can't make sense of it either.

So whether the random act of kindness is doing something very small for a stranger or a friend, or helping out in a tragedy that has been caused by another human being, it all counts towards a better universe.

I just hope that I can do some of these acts of kindness - just to help the universe recover its balance - and to make someone who may be having a real shit of a time, to have a smile on their face - even for the briefest of moments.

And from me to you - an Apache Blessing...

"May the sun bring you new energy by day, may the moon softly restore you by night, may the rain wash away your worries, may the breeze blow new strength into your being, may you walk gently through the world and know it's beauty all the days of your life.”

Take care

Lisa xxx

Thursday, 4 April 2013

I Like Big Butts......

This post was going to be about the latest medical update but..... who really gives a...????

So, instead I am dedicating it to the fellow in India who has placed an ad seeking a new wife.

Mr Vimadalal (I'm sorry and I'm definitely not racist but this seriously sounds like a type of curry!!!), was born in India but now lives in a hacienda in Mexico, as an Indian multimillionaire would.

The Vimadalal Curry I believe

It appears Mr V (no, I am not typing that name out each time as it is making me slightly hungry) made his fortune in the travel industry, first becoming a pilot in Canada then making his millions from a travel agency he set up with his wife in the good old US of A.

Unfortunately Mr V's wife passed away after an accident three years ago (mmmm, was it really an accident????) and he is now seeking a new wife.

Although, there are a few requirements, as one would expect a 69 year old millionaire to have.  These requirements include being under 40, have a sense of adventure and a desire to live an exciting life (!!!), NOT a vegetarian and slim.   Oh damn, just when I thought I was half a chance I just fall down on that one criteria of not having the desire to live an exciting life.
I always seem to lose my ski's

Just some of the girls and I chilling last weekend after a sky dive  - NOT EXCITING

 

Otherwise, I would have been a sure thing, no doubt.

And apparently Mr V has been searching for a while for the new MRS V. He has been looking in the US, Mexico and online but unfortunately had only found a 'bunch of idiots'!!!!  He does come with some baggage, no doubt Louis Vuitton, and also owns his own private plane, a sprawling palace and apparently lots of fast cars and bikes

Since he placed his $21000 ad, he has interviewed about 20 potential bridzellas but their has not been that special spark.  Who would have thought that with the readership of the Mumbai times, he has not found his true love.

Can't see no fat bottoms here!!

Apparently, he has met some nice women. And they don't even have to have a nice face. So I guess this means they could have a paperbag over their head but the "...girls who have been very nice had big fat bottoms. I don't like that."

I think he may have actually decided a new form of advertisement now
Check out his new youtube advertisement...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2ImZTwYwCug


So Mr V, it appears that there won't be true love between you and me. Cos let's face it....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=39YUXIKrOFk


Cheers everyone!!!!
Here's to big butts.................

Lisa xxx

p.s. Here is the article link - see I didn't make this one up!!!

http://www.smh.com.au/world/wanted-wife-for-tycoon-must-not-have-fat-bottom-20130404-2h84x.html

Monday, 1 April 2013

Get Those Eyes open Charlie!!!!!!!!!!!

Well today, April 1, begins a new month. Now I am typing this after midday so this isn't another ridiculously stupid April Fool's Joke.

Yes, unfortunately, we have lost not one but three family members, e, and of the animal kind.

Again!

You may have been aware that we recently obtained three little chicks, only a couple of weeks old. Normally I wouldn't take animals away from their mother at such a tender age, and we didn't.

However, we didn't - they had already been removed so we took them in and were very careful with them.

We cuddled them, kept them warm, correct food and fresh water.

Both Horse Girl and the Senior Sergeant were very loving and caring, and we did have a few laughs when they managed to jump out of the little box we kept them in. (although I wasn't laughing when they crapped everywhere but oh well, I have all the time in the world to clean that up apparently).

They even managed the move.  And we were lucky that we had a inbuilt chook pen in our new place so after being extremely careful, we moved them to the outdoors, and they moved into their chook hutch which was located inside the chook pen which was fenced and gated.

And every morning and every night they were checked on.  They enjoyed careful time out of the hutch and all was looking promising.

However, yep, you know where this is going!

The curse of the animals in the Country Gypsy household struck again!

Last week, Horse Girl and her good friend went out to fill up their food container again and alas, all had gone to that chook pen in the sky.

YEP, ALL THREE!!!!

WTF?????????????????????????

Fresh food - tick

Fresh water - tick

Safe housing - tick


And yet, all three dead!!!!!

But I can say one thing for certain.

I bet Charlie the wonder dog is grateful for every day when he opens his eyes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

RIP Little chooks!!!!

Cheers

Lisa x0x

Sunday, 31 March 2013

For Alix

Last night I was talking, well facebooking messaging, with a dear friend from Sydney. They know who they are :-)

We met when Horse Girl and her eldest became best mates at preschool - many many moons ago.

I won't bore you with the mindless ramblings (oh, well, sorry, too late, that's basically why I write this insane nonsense) but she said something to me which has stuck with me through the last of the bottle of red wine and through a fairly restless night.

We were talking about someone else we know, me not as well, who is yet another person fighting the dreaded cancer. She is a Mum of three beautiful children, and like everyone who gets this dreaded disease, does not deserve it. However, like so many, she is battling on and inspiring many.

And yet, my dear friend put me in the same category as this Mum. My friend said that both of us were inspirations to her.

Not feeling on top of the world last night, I, of course, burst into tears!!!! I am not an inspiration to anyone - in fact far from it.  But thank you anyway, dear S, for listening to the mindless rambling.

This post is yet another self indulgent one - you are excused by just clicking the back button to revert back to FB and find something else much more exciting.

Life is tough - no doubt about it. Everyone goes through crap, and I guess we deal with it the best way we can.

We are too quick to judge others, without really knowing wtf is going on.

And we all deal with what we are given in different ways.  Yeah, maybe sometimes a glass or two of red can help, or maybe  a kind message just to let someone know you are thinking of them.
Sometimes a phone call, sometimes a song, who knows.

As many of you know, one of my current jobs is involved in fund raising for cancer research.  There aren't too many people that haven't been touched by this dreaded disease, in one way or another.

But this is to tell you about a young girl who is suffering this weekend.  This young girl spoke recently at one of the Relays for Life that I worked on.  She was very very nervous, and scared, and wanted to pull out.

I spoke with her and told her whatever she wanted was fine. We shared some stories, then she told me she wanted to go on stage and tell her story, if I went up with her, and held her hand, and promised to keep reading her speech if she faltered.

So up we went. She was shaking, and trying to breathe deeply. I stood there, inspired by her incredible strength and class.

You see, she was talking about her Dad, who was standing right in front of her, below the stage. He had suffered a form of cancer for the past 10 years.  He had managed to get out of bed, and come down not only to hear his beautiful daughter, and being supported by his lovely wife and gorgeous son, but he was going to walk some laps for the Relay.

Which he did.

This young girl got through most of her speech.

And we held hands so tightly that I think we both cut off each others circulation.

She cried, and so did I.

I finished for her as it just got too much and I was extremely worried about her.

Her Dad, as were the rest of her family, and indeed the whole crowd, were so proud of her.

Today, this young girl, her brother and her Mum, are mourning their loss.  Her Dad, who fought and fought, has passed away. I hope he is out of pain now.

No words can possibly help this young girl at the moment. She is hurting so badly, and nothing can take that pain away.

Nothing.

I know she will somehow be able to get through this but it is not for me to tell her that now.  I have spoken to her and she cried. As she should.

People are hurting every day everywhere.   Because of illness, loss, or many other reasons.

And people cope in different ways.  The best way they can. Sometimes the coping mechanisms people choose may not be what we might consider to be the 'right' or 'correct' ones. But who are we to make that decision.

But maybe, just maybe, one day they can learn to smile again, and the pain, probably won't ever fully leave, but will dull ever so slightly.

So, my dear S, I am not an inspiration, but the timing of your words was impeccable.

Sometimes, we are quick too hurt with words - but more so, we can help!

So this one's for Alix

Lisa

Sunday, 24 March 2013

From Netball To Nutters, and plenty in between!

Ok, well I'm back!

I know, the countless howls of protest I received after my last post as to whether I should continue or not has lead me to this.

Howls of Protest!!!!


Bugger you, I'm going to continue!!!!!

And who really wants a boring dull life with nothing to talk about anyway!

So, for the latest in our little lives in our little corner of the world.

Well, my knee now appears to have completely fallen apart. I met with the specialist the other day and after carefully reviewing his birth certificate to confirm that he indeed was of legal age, and then checking that his University degrees were indeed real and not from the University of No Idea, he proceeded to ask me the same fifty questions I repeat on a daily basis to every other medical professional.

Then upon examination - which was basically me bending my knee and him holding on to it he then went as pale as a Nun in a brothel and proceeded to ask me how much pain I was really in. After he regained consciousness from the left hook I gave him while he was bending my knee, I replied "Oh, um, ah, you know, A BLOODY LOT" he then agreed with me that I would indeed be in some serious degree of pain.

Now when your doctor says "Mmmmmmm, that's not good" I don't think he is talking about the fact that it appears the Australian Cricket Team are a pack of over priced whingers who don't do their homework.

So, this is then followed by "Mmmmmmmm, netball?"


My reply - "I don't think I'd be up for a game right this minute but if you could just do something to fix the pain, I'm sure I'll be running on as WA in no time."
How good are those knees

Just a few shots of me in my heyday!!!!!!

 


But no, it appears that now my other leg has succumbed to the dreaded injuries felt by netballers across the world.

Yes, stacks on can be very dangerous to netballers


When I innocently asked how bad he thought the tear in my meniscus was (look it up people!), he gave that hearty doctor chuckle and said " I wouldn't be too concerned about a tear at this stage in your cartilage. You have no cartilage left"

On pondering on his words for all of 15.7 seconds I then asked whether I could just pop over to Big W and purchase some new cartilage.   From the look on his face (and this is where he was probably thinking of his next European sojurn) he suggested that would not happen and that I best go and get myself a decent pair of jammies and slippers as we may be looking at surgery.

The Onesie - suitable for knee surgery, indeed anything????????


Now, from the many photos I have posted of myself here, you will know that I am indeed model material with legs that just go on (to my bum!). My left leg has had a number of operations that with the scarring, you can almost play a full game of noughts and crosses on it.

So, there now may be a chance that I will have matching scarring on my right leg.

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

Now you have no doubt read that David Jones have dumped Miranda Kerr as their clothes hanger, and well, yes, I was indeed the next obvious choice.

However, DJ's may just have to wait that little bit longer now to sign me up - oh well, could be worse!

Could be my forehead!!!!

Wouldn't want anything to intrude on the word "Nutter magnet" printed across my forehead now would I.

And I am using a bloody unreal PINK, yes, PINK, walking stick!!!!  I can just see DJ's stocking them as a winter accessory!!

Ciao for now.

Hope your life is full of fun and happiness!



Cheers

Lisa xox

Saturday, 16 March 2013

To Blog Or Not To Blog

That is the question.

I have been thinking about whether to continue blogging of late.

I know, I can hear the collective shouting of millions of people around the world yelling "Yes, please stop, stop now, PLEASE!!!"



The reason for this thought process going through my empty head is because I have been thinking that if I don't blog, I may indeed get to live a calm, peaceful, boring life as then if I have no blog, things may not happen to me to write about.

You see, I am quite an avid reader of blogs, from all over the world. I read blogs about home decorating, travel, cooking, teaching and many many others. I hate the term 'Mummy Blogger' but I also read some of them too.  And if you haven't just read the infamous  Mrs Woog's blog, you are definitely worse off. She is hilarious, and so often writes what I think (just type in Mrs Woog into goole, you won't be sorry - but don't forget me!!)

Because, dear reader (Mum, that's you!!!) I am yearning for a quiet life.  Yes, I am. Well not so quiet that nothing ever happens but just to live a relatively incident free life.

Because over the past 10 days I have been on crutches. Yes, even I am so completely over myself at the moment it is not funny.

Now of course, Miranda Kerr was in a car accident this week and managed to accessorise her neck brace with an ever so chic scarf. So she may have been a bit tender, but she still looked good.

WHere is that bloody scarf????


Whereas I, on crutches, look like a frigging lopsided elephant. There ain't nothing chic about this Country Gypsy hobbling along on crutches because her 'good' knee has given way (Yes, I have a good knee and a bad knee - I think two knee reconstructions on the one knee allows me to nominate it as the bad knee!!!).
This is how I get out of the car! ###



So, after two trips to hospital, three doctors, one absolutely beautiful (no I am not gay - not that there is anything wrong with that - but this girl was beautiful both inside and out!!!) physiotherapist, two x rays and an upcoming visit to a specialist, it appears that the good knee is now stuffed!!!

Unfortunately, I don't have an incredible story about how I injured this knee but have been asking people to provide me with stories.  So far I am the coach of the Australian Down hill mogul ski team and whilst giving them a few pointers injured myself (thanks goes to the White Knight for that one!!), marathon running and then had to foil an armed robbery whilst running and got shot in the knee but still managed to arrest the bad guys and win the marathon at the same time (combined effort from the CG family) to being a part of the Australian Cricket team who didn't do their homework and got bashed in the knee cap by the selectors for punishment (thanks to the bloke who made my coffee at Coffee Culture yesterday!!).

An earlier shot of my skiing prowess !!!!!!!!



The actual truth is it just started to hurt, then it hurt a bit more, then it got so bloody sore I would have preferred to go through childbirth whilst balancing a 450kg whale  on my nose and running through a barbed wire fence at the same time.

And I have so far had three different diagnoses so I am just going to wait to see what the specialist suggests at the end of the week - when he charges me $455000 for a 3 minute consultation and I get $.09c back from medicare!!!

So, hopefully you see my dilemma. If I chose not to blog, maybe we won't have to move again, there will be no injuries or illnesses, I will actually get a full time job with proper facilities, and I won't meet any more cross dressing grandfathers outside Vinnies.


Mmmmm, shall have a think. Maybe life might get too boring!!!

Hope you are all safe, well, injury free, stable home and work, and enjoying life!  Now, where did I put those crutches?????


Cheers

Lisa xox

### Can I just add that when you type in to google images "elephant on crutches" you get a picture of Naomi Campbell - no elephant and no crutches - just the supermodel - weird!!!!

Sunday, 24 February 2013

Thursday, 21 February 2013

Who Stole The Bloody Knives???

Yep, we are in!

Finally!!!

The move is completed. 

But, let me tell you, this has been a bloody hard slog this one. Don't get me wrong (well do but it won't make a difference to me either way) as we really like this new house. I am sitting here typing this on the dining room table (cos it's the only table space I can find at the moment) and I have a magnificent view overlooking parts of the Highlands. It truly is gorgeous.

And the house is great.

Of course, as with all moves there have been a few issues. Like the garage door only going up - not down.

And unpacking the cutlery and discovering we have lost all our knives (wtf???)  I guess I should just pull some out of my back but ..who needs them anyway!!!

And of course, not being able to connect the tv. Yep, I should just be able to plug it in, turn it on and off we go.

No!!!

The aerial connection doesn't fit. Of course it wouldn't.  So a quick trip into Dick Smith (and to the lady in the Mittagong store - and yes, I am naming your store - you were about as helpful as a frigging bull in a china shop) and then another trip into the Bowral store where the lovely young fellow (I think I have just turned into my Nana using that phrase!!) suggested what I needed to do and it would only cost me $10!!!
SO of course, after doing the 55th final clean of the old house, and without shedding a tear, I closed the door on that four month rental and drove home to connect the tv!!

Oh but no, of course, that didn't work. SO the Senior Sergeant and I drove back into town and the next lovely young fellow in Dick Smith in Boooooowwwwwrrrraaaaallllll the told me another way around this problem, and I didn't need to spend any more $$$$$$....yet.

Now I have managed to turn myself into a bit of an electrician tonite and connected and disconnected and reconnected so we now have a tv which has a lovely blue screen as an artistic feature in our lunge room cos I still cannot get the bloody thing to work.

This normally would not be SO FRIGGING FRUSTRATING but with what has been a really tough move for the little Country Gypsy family both emotionally and physically, I just want it to be simple.

Like me.

Simple!!!

Anyway, of course there are many more issues in life that we need to worry about but for CRYING OUT LOUD- GIVE US A FRIGGING BREAK!!!!

Anyway, the animals have all survived the move too. Charlie the Wonder Dog did manage to escape the first night and when I went looking for me early hours the next morning here he was lying on the front porch.....with a random shoe (again!!!). How the hell he knew that this was our house after his neighbourhood wander beats me as the kids and I sill can't remember but anyway, he seems happy enough.

Our little chickies are growing fast and almost ready to go out into their chook pen - which will be good as their is nothing worse than trying to move a box from one room to another and have a little escaped chook flapping at your feet.

And Fred Fish, well, he is still swimming away. We have to take most of the water out of his bowl for transportation purposes, it's just a bit awkward when three days later you look at him and he is still flapping around in 3cm of water!!!  It's all good now, he is happy as a ....fish in water!!!

Anyway, thanks to my beautiful friends and family who helped either physically or emotionally with this move.  I don't deny yesterday was a shocker for me, and even the world's best removalists had to give me a bit of support (and a coffee or two) a couple of times to get me through the day.

And to my beautiful kids - you amaze me!!!!  Every day!!!

And Horse Girl - good things will happen...I can't promise when but they will - that I know!!!!

Cheers

Lisa xox

Saturday, 16 February 2013

All About Bailey

 Well here I am half way through the Relay For Life in Queanbeyan.

For those of you (perhaps my Guatemalan readers) Relay for Life is a fundraising event for the Cancer Council.   We started at 10am this morning (Saturday) and will finish at 10am Sunday. Of course, the physical set up started 24 hours earlier so after 3 hours sleep I am feeling a little weary ( no actually I'm frigging buggered but anyway)

But I just wanted to share with you a story that is going to inspire me to keep going for about another 30 hours which will be the next time I actually see a bed.

These aren't cancer stories but a young person who has inspired me today to keep going...even when some complete and utter idiot decided to have a go at me a little while ago.  Although I did want to headbutt him, I thought of this beautiful boy I met today  and realised some adults are just plain bloody idiots.

This story is about young Bailey. He is only 5 years old and had registered as a participant. Bailey's target was to walk around the oval which is about 400 metres, holding on to Mum and Dad's hand.

You see, Bailey can't walk. He uses two sticks but that gets too tiring for his little body so he spends most of his time in a wheelchair.  I was privileged to be there when young Bailey completed his lap today. And I tell you what, although many of us adults have plenty of things to deal with (including moving house the day after tomorrow, well that ain't no struggle anymore) sometimes we need to get over ourselves and think about struggles that others have, especially innocent little kids.

I am as frigging tired as anything and frustrated with some so called professional people at the moment but you know what.... I actually am not going to waste anymore time thinking of them now. Because little Bailey, you are INCREDIBLE mate and no little kid should have to endure what you do.

Bailey completed that one lap, and yes, I cried. He then completed another 29 laps in his wheelchair. And his beautiful Mum gave me the honour of pushing this beautiful boy around on his final lap.
And no Bailey, you shouldn't have thanked me beautiful boy. It was my absolute privilege and honour to have you let me push you around little man. And I only hope and pray that life deals you no  more hardship mate cos in your five years, you have had to endure more than most bloody adults.

So yes I am so tired I can barely move. And I can tell you I have shed more than one tear today and am absolutely positive I am going to shed more tonite when we have a remembrance ceremony and I think of some special people.

And when I can barely keep my eyes open after we finish and pack up tomorrow and I head on that drive home to my own kids, I am going to think of young Bailey who struggled those 400 metres around the oval which must have felt like walking around Australia and that is going to keep me going!

Cheers all

Lisa Xbox

Friday, 15 February 2013

You Did WHAT For Love??????

Here's a question for you to ponder today...
Have you ever some anything silly for love???

Well of course, I may have but I'll get to that in a minute.

How about doing something a bit silly the day you meet the love of your life?  Now keep it clean please people.

An article caught my eye yesterday about a young lady who met the love of her life' and decided that day to have his name tattooed ON HER FACE!!!!

What the......?

Now I know that I may have done one or two silly things in my life (ahem!!) but seriously tattooing the name of someone you had only just met ON YOUR FACE!!!!!!!!

The article didn't say how old the girl was but she looked young. And beautiful. And slightly stupid.

Of course the boyfriend looked bloody ugly, with tatts everywhere, and on his face. Although it didn't appear that her name was on his face but who knows!

Eyes in the back of your head...literally!!!!


I have NOTHING against tattoos, and in the right place they can look great. However, ON YOUR FACE???  The name of someone you had JUST MET!!!

There isn't much more I can say on this (surprisingly!!) but here is the link for you to check it out yourself.

http://www.dailytelegraph.com.au/news/weird/girl-meets-boy-has-name-tattooed-on-her-face-the-same-day/story-e6frev20-1226577854514

And please, DON'T TRY THIS AT HOME!!!

 Cheers

Lisa

Thursday, 14 February 2013

So WHo's From Uranus?

Well it appears Men aren't really from Mars!!!



Yes, this was one of the headlines in the news recently.  Personally, I would have thought that there would have been at least 85 000 more newsworthy items than this but at least it has given me a topic to write about!

Now I am the least equipped person to give relationship advice (My mother wanted me to make my debut in high school because she thought it may have been the only time she saw me in a white dress - little did she know!!!!) but I felt that I should impart my wisdom on this topic!!!

Back in the 1990's when apparently we were all devouring the book - Men are from Mars Women are From Venus- apparently we decided to live our relationships according to this book.  So us chicks 'apparently' let the blokes go to their man cave to do whatever it is they do, we didn't worry when we were talking to our blokes about whatever and their eyes started to glaze over and we just dropped them off at the pub so they could watch the footy with their mates than spend the day with us!

Now looking at what us chicks did for them, I would reckon that we are possibly entitled to legendary status.

So what did we get in return????

Um...well...ah...hang on a minute - I'm thinking...... this is where I find it difficult.
Not just wondering in what us chicks wanted but what was wrong with doing the above anyway.
  
Seriously, ladies. Have your eyes never glazed over when a member of the male species talks at you about something that you either have no interest in/have no idea what they are indeed talking about/ or are thinking about booking your next waxing appointment?????

And really, do you want to go the pub with them EVERY time they go to the pub to yell at the television and discuss the finer points of whatever sport they may be watching and discussing how much better they are in that particular sport or how they would coach them better or how they are just better in an all round way????

And the man cave???  Well at least they aren't making a mess in the house and if they want to go out and do whatever they do in their man caves, as long as they aren't hurting themselves or anyone else what's wrong with it.  Maybe they are building something/creating something/drinking beer and snoring.......... EVERYONE needs their space - not just men!



I guess, in my experience, sometimes us chicks do find it hard if a bloke has an issue but doesn't want to chat us about it as we like to help or don't like to see others stress or be unhappy.
And some blokes do want to just sort out the problem for us rather  than listening to us whinge or complain about something.

But do we really want to be the same??? How boring would that be!  So whether we are from Mars, Venus, Pluto or Saturn, I just want to be the 'consultant' who was no doubt paid $1000000000000 to decide that men and women are different (no shit Sherlock!) but just be nice to each other.






Anyway, wherever you are from Happy Valentine's Day. If you believe in it or not!!!

Yeah right!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 
Cheers
Lisa xox

Tuesday, 12 February 2013

A Bucket Career???

On my 30000 daily commute to one of my places of work this morning, I did some thinking!

Yes, I know, it did hurt a little but I had to do something and my singing was driving even me a little batty this morning

You see I am doing a bucket list. Now this has been a work in progress for some time, and I have done a draft or fifty-five blog posts for it but that too is a work in progress.

My Bucket List!!!


Now some of the things that are on my bucket list are probably what might be on yours. And then some won't be!

But my thinking pattern (if there is such a thing) then got slightly distracted (well there's a surprise) and I started reflecting over my life, in particular my working career.

I have had one or two of fifty five changes of career and although I am probably not now where I thought I would be, I have had some funny times..

There has also been some incredibly tough times, distressing times, but also many times that I think have made me a stronger person (or full of a lot of shite anyway)



Like the time when I was going to a meeting in Canberra with some very important people (no, not at Parliament but at one of the big pubs) and I had toilet paper stuck in my pants, trailing along behind me (I know, I have no shame). I then got the giggles so badly that I couldn't finish the meeting and had to phone them the next day.

said my colleagues.....


Or the time when I first started teaching and one of my little girls in my class turned to another little girl and said (And I have obviously changed the names here - only because it was so long ago I can't remember them!) "Oh Jenny, it was fun having your Dad come and stay the night last night. We had so much fun and then I went and jumped on him and Mummy in bed this morning!"  And poor little Jenny's reply "Mmmmm, Mum was really cranky that Daddy didn't come home and she said she was going to cut them off"!!!.  Yes, that was an interesting piece of news!!!

Or the times when I used to be the hostess (with no bloody mostess) on the coach tours when all their real ones were out on jobs and we used to drive through the truck weighing stations. I used to tell my passengers that we were indeed slightly overweight so could they please lift their feet up off the floor when we were getting weighed so that we wouldn't get a fine (and I fooled them every. single. time!!). 

Of course, on these trips I used to love having a chat to the mostly elderly people. They were (mostly) so beautiful and gorgeous and there was one time when we started sharing the microphone around for some jokes (well, some trips were LONG).  My joke repertoire consisted of two...
Joke 1 - What do you call the cows laying on the flat ground over there???
              Ground beef
Joke 2 - What do you call the cows standing on the side of the hill???
              Lean beef

I KNOW - Funny as.....

Extra Lean beef!!!!


Well of course then one of the fellows decided he would like to share a joke with everyone.
The microphone was sent down the back of the coach (not a bus - coaches have toilets and therefore are called coaches!!!) and off he began.  Now I was up the front of the coach by this stage and although listening, was also having a chat with the driver. All of a sudden the driver looked at me and said "Oh shit, you better get that microphone back - I wouldn't even tell you this joke and that's saying something!!!!"

So trying to break Usain Bolt's record for the dash down the aisle, and with the driver then slamming on the brakes so I got there even faster, I managed to wrangle the microphone from this particular passenger with one or two very terse words spoken.   Oh well, at least I didn't have any one die on THAT trip!!!

Then of course there was my time working for Carlton and United Breweries where I looked after all the promotions for their yuppie boutique beers, three wineries and Laurent Perrier Champagne House.
But I can't remember any of it so just use your imagination!!!

Of course, my career has expanded a number of industries - I even worked in the very unglamourous world of fashion magazines.  Although perhaps telling one of the editors that I thought her previous issue was full of crap and did she actually know who her readers were probably wasn't one of my best career moves!!!!!
And this was similiar to the look I received


There are many more stories so obviously many more blog posts about my career to come.

But last week when I did a day's teaching of 7 year olds (I needed to regain my sanity!!!) I was a little surprised when one of the little darling's said to me....
"Oh man, Mrs E, I can't wait to get home and rip this bloody bra off. It's killing me!"
And my response  "Me too darling, me too!"



Hope your having a good day/night at whatever work you do!

Cheers
Lisa   xox

p.s. One of my work colleagues was having a really tough day today through no fault of her own (although I was the one who was working in the dental waiting room!!!)  Be nice to your colleagues - sometimes they just need to be told they are ok!!

Sunday, 10 February 2013

The Golden Touch

So it is the end of a busy busy weekend. We have been madly packing, cleaning, mowing, gardening, cleaning, packing, weeding and packing and cleaning over the past few days.

The latest move is just days away (with a major event I have to run between now and then) so we have been very busy. 

But of course, the road is never a smooth one in the life of these Country Gypsies and there have been one or two issues over the past few days just to test one's patience!!

It all started on Friday when I was about to mow.  Filling the tank of the mower with petrol (and slight spillage as I do EVERY TIME!!) and trying to rip the cord out of its socket to start it, as per every use, it cranked up then faded away to nothing.

Almost managing to dislocate my shoulder each time I pulled the cord, I no doubt looked a sight when Mr B, Charlie the Wonder Dog's pseudo Godfather - this is where he escapes to on a very regular basis- pulled up asking if I needed a hand. My reply mentioned something about the Pope being a Catholic and luckily for me (well I didn't want to look any more of an idiot than I do!!!) Mr  B couldn't get it working either so kindly offered me his mower to use.

Now this was very very kind of Mr B and I did take up his offer but WHY OH WHY COULD IT NOT HAVE BEEN ANY OF THE OTHER PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN THE STREET WHO ALL HAVE FRIGGING RIDE ON'S!!!!!

So thinking that I had better find out what was wrong with the mower I then went down to my lovely Friend MR A who fixes lawn mowers. Of course, the wonderful MR A did indeed fix the mower, and replace the broken fuel cap and the missing bolt  and then ever so kindly advised  me that I had been putting the wrong frigging fuel in the machine!!!!!!!!

Of course, I also had trouble with the whipper snipper (what is it with Big W and their gardening machinery) so I had to take that to the lovely MR A who then showed me where (and indeed what) the choke is so I managed to get that working too!!

Oh but don't think it stops there.

Over the weekend I have also managed to splash petrol in my eye and have the petrol station man BEG me to go to the hospital to have my eye washed out (well of course I didn't - who was going to drive home!) so just excuse any spelling errors as I am typing with the use of only one eye! And honestly, how bad can it get?? And I have no idea what type of petrol it was but I do know there was some slight spillage at the petrol station but I'm sure the HASMAT team got that sorted (HASMAT - I have no idea but hopefully you get my meaning).

Oh and I also have a rather large piece of tree embedded in my leg which I can't get out - from flicking up from bloody mowing but I'm sure it will eventually pop out (I hope - anyway!).

And of course then when another wonderful friend came over with a trailer that I could use to get rid of green crap, I decided to hand over a 6 pack of beer. But of course, that ended up in approximately 3 million pieces on the kitchen floor before I could even hand it over!

Did I also mention that upon WALKING...YES MERELY WALKING past a lamp on a table, I then managed to knock that off and smash it into 45 000 pieces.

So yes, it appears I have the Golden Touch at the moment. Anything I touch turns to gold - or perhaps even a slightly off yellow colour, and in 3500000000000 pieces.

Let's just say, BRING ON MONDAY!!!!!!

Hope your weekend was trauma free :)

Cheers

Lisa  xox

Tuesday, 29 January 2013

Thanks and a Little Update!

Firstly, thank you to those who read my last post and contacted me in one way or another offering help.

I never cease to be amazed by the amazing friends that we have - THANK YOU ALL!



And to the ANONYMOUS commentor on that post - you actually don't have to read my blog. It is your choice. If you don't like it, DON"T READ IT. Or if you do wish to read it and can only think of nasty things to say - GO AWAY. Anyway, your comment has been removed. Cos I am here for good not evil!!

So, we are moving.

Again!!

Luckily, we have found a house that we all like, in a town in The Highlands that we haven't yet lived in (and let me tell you, there ain't too many of them left now).

The house is great, the kids are ok with it (ok with the house, not ok with the whole process!).

I am signing a 12 month lease but as history has proven, that is not worth the paper it is printed on. I have put in a call to the world's best (and rather cute as an added bonus) removalists (and if you are in The Highlands - you cannot beat Moss Vale Removals - I should own them by now but they are truly fabulous) and just waiting for them to let me know when they'll back that truck up again.


.
So the next few weeks are going to be filled with packing, chucking, packing some more, and impatient to be settled again.

But, we will get there.

Again!

Because this is how in control I look when moving house


And  yes, I know there are many people in the world, in our own community, who are suffering a hell of a lot more than we are.

But sometimes, life just........ keeps you busy!!!!!

It is yet another new start for our little gypsy family (well isn't that the world's most appropriate name for us) and with the Senior Sergeant starting high school in a couple of days and Horse Girl entering into that wonderful Year 9 phase, who knows what 2013 will bring.

I just hope it is one of laughter, love and happiness for all (cos honestly, WTF else could happen?????)


Cheers

Lisa x0x

Keep scrolling


Yep, a truer picture there never was!!!


Sunday, 27 January 2013

Self Indulgent Rant

Well, I had hoped that there wouldn't be another post look like this for the next 3 million years but alas, never a dull moment.

For those of you smartypants who guessed my little teaser on facebook recently, YES, WE DO HAVE TO FRIGGING WELL MOVE AGAIN.

I guess you could say that we have lived in this place for a while now, well, almost 5 months, so I guess it is a long time for us.

Oh why didn't you sign a lease? I hear you ask.

Let me tell you, rental leases are not worth the paper they are printed on. Yes, we continue to sign leases when we rent properties, and silly silly me always requests a 12 month lease so that Horse Girl and the Senior Sergeant have a modicum of stability in their lives. Yes, we signed a 12 month lease but, oh no, the owners have changed their mind and decided to move back in.

"Oh, we appreciate your discretion in this matter' mutters the real estate agent.  "They are in a somewhat comprimising position so we need to look after them."

Now I used to have compasssion, indeed I was full of it, for other people and their circumstances.  I hope that I still have some for certain people.

WELL WHO THE FRIGGGING HELL HAS COMPASSION FOR MY KIDS??????

Sorry for shouting but honestly, they need a break! .I have  been absolutely dreading telling them, as they have been away on hols, and in fact ended up physically sick whislt waiting for them to arrive home to tell them.

How do you tell your kids that we have to move again, this will be our fourth house in 12 months.

But, I told them. And you know what?  There were a few tears and a bit of anger but they are so BLOODY BRILLIANT that they have just accepted it.....AGAIN.

I cannot tell you how proud I am of these two kids who have had to suffer more than a lot in their short lives but just keep on keeping on. They don't have all the latest gadgets, they don't have everything that opens and shuts, but they do have the most amazing personalities, looks (yes, I know - from their mother!!!) and they have the most incredible resilience.

They have gone through their parents marital breakdown and subsequent divorce, having to sell the family home, move houses every 3 minutes, but rarely do I hear them whinge and complain about what has been served to them.

SO yes, this is a self indulgent post.  You don't have to read any more - just close the page down.

But, to my two beautiful, gorgeous, incredible, amazing, resilient, tough as teak children, I LOVE YOU BOTH TO THE MOON AND BACK AND BEYOND.

Every day you both inspire me, you are the most amazing gift that I have been given and I will love and treasure you both for ever.

Thank you for coming in to my life and for being so strong.

And honestly, what more could happen!!!!!!!!!

Cheers

Lisa xox

Thursday, 24 January 2013

I Can't Show You My Face - I'm a Dentist!

No doubt you have all been waiting on the edge of your chairs/lounges/horses etc for the next instalment of my adventures driving 689786 km to work this morning.

Well I am pleased to let you know that there were no major incidents, that I was involved in, on the daily commute this morning - only a diesel spill at the servo but I didn't do it so I did what most people tend to do with these things - looked the other way!!

I'm the one looking the other way!


But I thought I would enlighten you on what may potentially be my next career move (and for those of you who don't know me, this would be career move # 54673.

So, one of my jobs at the moment is that I am currently working for a major health charity. I look after fundraising and events for a reasonably large regional/rural area and so work from a remote office. Now, let me just try and paint the picture for you.

I have a laptop - which invariably sits on my lap.  Why, I hear you ask (two dogs?? Oh, an oldie but a goodie!!)???

Gratuitous puppy pic!!!!


Well the office space that I am using is a reasonable size with 5 desks set up in it as well as the kitchen sink (actually two sinks - seems a little overboard!!). Sounds cushy????

It would be other than for the fact that there are 10 people who work out of this office. Not with the same company as me but all health related!  Now this can prove to be rather difficult when everyone is 'in' as certain people have their own desk, and the rest of us plebs have to fight for one, or use their lap for their lap top.

Still not the best solution as we then don't have enough chairs.  And our office is located within a dental surgery!

I typed in dental surgery and this was the image that came up!!!!!!!


I kid you not.

So, the other day, I was sitting on one of the chairs in the waiting room of the dental surgery trying to do all my important work stuff!!!!!!

Oh, then I remembered I had to have a teleconference (I'm sorry but can someone please supply me with a few tips on how to stay awake during a 1 hour teleconference when certain people just will not shut the beejeezus up and the rest of us are trying to keep their head from bouncing on the table??).

Well, you never would have guessed (no you wouldn't have!) but I ended up using one of the actual dental surgery rooms for my teleconference. Now I have quite a pathological fear of the dentist so to find myself in this situation was not amusing in any way, shape or form.

SO here I am sitting in the chair on my call when the drill starts up in the next room. Oh for crying out loud - is this for real or what???  Of course, being the consummate professional, I then started to emit some rather strange noises, similar to a cat being slowly stretched to within an inch of its life, and then had the facilitator of the call question as to whether I needed a moment.

my new office


Needed a moment???? Mate, I needed the whole frigging bottle shop as I sat there reflecting on my illustrious professional career when I had the use of cab charges when visiting pubs/clubs on the weekend in the big cities - all part of working for a brewery - to being upgraded on flights and staying in 5 star accommodation around the country and having to do presentations to every man and his dog to working in the illustrious world of magazine publishing, as well as teaching all those brilliant kids over the years.

And here I am at the ripe old age of 26 36 40 and a few years and sitting in a frigging dentist chair listening to some goose telling me how to run a frigging event when i would have run more events than he would have had cold showers (well, he is a bit of a tosser!!!).

So there you have it my friends! How I blow where the wind takes me (ahem!!) and who knows, next time you go visit the dentist, it may be me in that white coat, drill in hand and telling you to spit!!!!!

I said SPIT not S&%T!!!!


Cheers

Lisa xox

Wednesday, 23 January 2013

Just Call Me Flo!!!

Some of you (well, the three that read this nonsense) may know that I have not been in complete full employment with one employer of late, but rather spreading my general intelligence across a wide area.

One of the latest companies to benefit from my many many skills (ahem) is a rather well renowned charity raising funds to finally eradicate the horrible disease that is cancer.

Many of us have been affected in one way or another by this, but this post is not about that, but rather a few little tidbits about my working days these past couple of weeks.

I am only part time (let's face it, so are most people even when employed full time) and work in rather interesting conditions.

Firstly, the commute is 1 and 3/4 hours each way (I know!!!) so there is a lot of singing along the way. Of course, a lot of very intelligent thoughts also cross my mind on the commute and I have basically worked out how to solve world peace, how to reduce the national debt, and how there should really be nicer toilet stops with lovely coffee offered to those who drive a long way to work.

Now this morning, I must admit I probably wasn't in the most alert frame of mind whilst driving down the highway as I had a late meeting last night and by the time I got home, killed the latest frigging bloody huntsman in the loungeroom (no, I AM NOT inserting a picture of the spider as I have a pathological fear of them), discovered that the wonder dog had had a slight nervous breakdown due to an electrical storm in the Highlands that afternoon and had decided to completely shred the bbq cover with his teeth, and wrote up a sponsorship proposal needed for 9am this morning I hopped into bed for about 3 1/2 hours sleep.

So, whilst singing away pretending that I was indeed Alicia Keys and I was indeed a GIRL on FIRE, I looked to the side of the road wondering what the 'lump' was.

As I drove past, I realised that the 'lump' was actually a bloody person lyingin the gutter.
Oh for crying out loud!!!! Is this just a story for the blog or what???

So, after reducing to the legal speed limit (nah, all good there!!!) I then had to reverse back up the Hume Highway (not recommended) and try not to run over the poor bugger.

Popping on my little Florence Nightingale outfit, I jumped out and ran over to the poor fellow who had no idea who I was, where he was, or indeed who he was.  Without thinking that he might possibly just pull a gun on me and rob me of all my worldly posessions (or the $20 that the Senior Sergeant had left in the car) I tried to see if he was ok. Luckily for me, Big Al (yes, that really was his name) the truckie had pulled over as well and we tried to sort out what was going on.

Using my renowned emergency skills, I phoned The Ambos and the local Coppers who did not appear overly concerned. Perhaps when I was trying to tell them our exact location -"OK well, it's on the Hume Highway, probably about 10 mins north of Federal Highway turn off, there is a big tree and then a little tree, oh and I can also see a dead roo about 50 metres up the road"

Well, they are the bloody experts - they should have known where we were. Use bloody google maps!!!

Anyway, the ambos managed to find us and Big Al decided he was happy to wait for the coppers as he thought I may have been ready to give them a piece of my mind as to how the hell did I know the bloody location on the highway where this poor fellow was.

So thanks to you Big Al - you did look a bit scary when you get out of the truck but  you are good fellow with a heart of gold mate, and I hope you continue safe on your travels.

And good on the ambos too - I think this poor old fellow was off his head and they were so caring - you guys are angels.

And next time, oh well, I just hope Big Al is on the road as well.

Stay safe in all your travels

Cheers

Lisa xox

p.s. Next post will be how I can also claim to be a dentist - seriously!!!!

Monday, 14 January 2013

How Much For Rudolph's Nose?

Ok, so I know many of you have been anxiously awaiting the next instalment of the Griswold Evans family Christmas debacle

When we last spoke I believe we had made it to the Land Of Nod, i.e. The Retirement Village of Nana and Pa and had partaken in the first of a number of Christmas feasts.

The following morning I telephoned the good people at the NRMA mechanics who advised me that the world had indeed closed down for a couple of weeks and that my car was not going to be ready for approximately 25 weeks.

Oh and that it would indeed cost approximately $3 million for the parts alone.

So, after a massive slight meltdown and deciding that it appeared my life was indeed over by this point, we managed to convince Disneyland Dad to make the trek to The Land of Nod to come and pick us up.

It appears the absolute desperation in my voice worked once for him and up he came to pick up Horse Girl the Senior Sergeant and myself.  Of course, the awkward moment occurred once again when we all rendezvoused but hey, get over it, and move on people.

Playing happy families, we drove back down the F3, with me noticing that D Dad is still quite possibly the world's most impatient driver and wondering if we were going to end up on one of those Cop shows.  But, let's face it, beggars can't be choosers and it wasn't me who was going to get fined (for once!!!).

After a swim, we all felt better and then proceeded to spend an interesting Christmas Eve together (although there was the awkward moment when the neighbour came over and I was exiting the bathroom after a shower and ...well...I am sure he will recover his eyesight within the next month or so).

Waking up at 3.20am on Christmas morning, the Senior Sergeant proceeded to ensure that Santa had indeed visited (this from the boy who EVERY OTHER YEAR has had to be WOKEN UP!). After making some undecipherable noise, I managed to get another 6.5 minutes sleep and then spent a cheery morning discovering what the Big Fella had left.

True!!!

With the kids going off to D Dad's family for Christmas lunch this year, they then dropped me at the train station (I know - wtf???) so I could return to the Land of Nod for yet another Chrsitmas meal. It has been some time since I have caught a train so of course I had no idea where/what/how the whole thing worked.

Of course, I had to catch two trains didn't I which made the panic in my throat start to burn me and with me suggesting to the ticket lady that she indeed travel with me as I had no idea what I was doing.

Upon her rejection, I made my way to the correct platform and managed to negotiate my way on to the train without falling over (and let me tell you, this is quite an amazing achevement for me)  and then managed to exit the train and find my way to another bloody platform for the ride up the coast.

Now this was my first time ever on a train on Christmas Day (I know, go figure!!) and I thought I would quite possibly be the only one on it. Oh, what a sheltered life I lead becuase the train was bloody well packed.

I managed to fight my way to a seat and shove my bag under my feet so was sitting with my knees up around my chin, but hey, it's Chrsitmas!!!!  Of course, mere moments later, the seat next to me was filled with what can only be described as a FREAKING NUT CASE who would not shut up the whole bloody trip.

Now, of course, I am not one to shy away from a conversation but I could not understand what in the hell this particular chappy was talking about as he kept repeating what I was saying but in some sort of 'tongue language'.  Praying for an emergency to occur, of course nothing happened so I decided to pop the ear plugs in my ear and listen to some music in the hope that he would SHUT THE HELL UP!!!

Oh no, of course not, he then unplugged one ear of mine and popped it in his ear so he could listen as well.

SO Countrylnk  I do apologise for leaving those contaminated ear phones on the train on Christtmas Day but SERIOUSLY!!!!!!!

Anyway, I managed to get back to the Land of Nod just in time for Christmas lunch when I was informed that there would be HAM SANDWICHES for CHRISTMAS LUNCH because a certain two had had a little disagreement that morning and nothing had been sorted.

Yippee - can life get any better?  Upon shoving a piece of ham down my throat I then curled up in the foetal position and managed to sleep for two hours (and let me tell you, this is an achievement for me)  when upon waking the delicious smell of pork belly was wafting through the house.

A lovely Christmas dinner was had with a bottle or two of Pa's finest (of course he tells me afterwards he had a bottle of Bollinger there just in case - IN CASE OF WHAT???? THAT I HAD TO CATCH A FRIGGING TRAIN ON CHRISTMAS DAY???)  and then went to bed confident that things could only get better.

Pic of Pa's garage fridge!!!!!

Which of course they did as by lunchtime on Boxing Day my knight in shining armour had arrived at The Land of Nod on his big white stallion (well car anyway but same thing) to rescue me and try to put some sanity back into my life. Of course, there is not enough thanks in the world for this heroic rescue effort but hopefully he understood how grateful I was when upon seeing his car turn up I threw myself on the bonnet whilst the car was still moving screamng at him to 'JUST KEEP DRIVING, DON"T STOP'.

Hi Ho SIlver....

Then the following day I get hold of the  mechanic who advised me that the only available part for my car was one which was indeed made of pure gold and encrusted with diamonds as the rest of the motor vehicle world would not be returning to work until July 2015.

So, after selling a body part (and I still don't know why no one made an offer on my liver??) on ebay, they managed to fix my car, and returned it to me after  they had nicely vacuumed it. VACUUMED IT?? They should have turned it into a freaking convertible with the ability to float on water and make me a skim latte on the journey to work with what it cost!!!

Handpresso Auto design
Honestly, who needs two hands on the wheel

But of course, all's well that ends well and I am happy to report that other than the fact that I need yet another new tyre and the brakes have about 10% life left in  them, we are all travelling well.

Except for that frigging bloody great big Kangaroo which bounded out in front of me on the Hume this morning on my way to work - mmm, brake function may be down to about 2% now!!

Stick to your own lane buddy!



Cheers

Lisa xox

Friday, 11 January 2013

Deck the Bloody Halls......

Yes yes Happy New Year and all that jazz.

I know that we are all over Christmas festivities now, just trying to cope with the credit card bills that have started to arrive (or is that just me???) but I thought I would share with you some of the experiences that the Griswold  Evans family had over the festive period - cos as you all know, there is never a frigging dull moment!!!!

So after months of negotiation, it was decided that Christmas would be held at my place. Yah - I shouted from the rooftops - that means I don't have any major driving this year for Christmas for a change.

Cos traffic is hell everywhere this time of year!!!

Now this past Christmas was Disneyland Dad's turn with the kids so the plan is that we play happy families on Christmas Eve night at his place, await the pitter patter of Santa's footsteps, wake up nice and early and rip into the presents then I was to head back from the big smoke to the humble little countryside.

Of course, as plans do, this was changed as everyone decided they basically couldn't be stuffed coming to my place!!!  Ah, ya gotta love families at Christmas time!!

Somewhat appropriate????
So, the plans were for Horse Girl, The Senior Sergeant and myself to drive up to the sunny Central Coast on the Sunday before Chrissy to see Nana and Pa and have the first of many Christmas meals with them.

Then, after an evening of eating and present opening, we were to drive back to Disneyland Dad's for Chrissy Eve, then Chrissy Day after more present opening I was to drive the normal 45 minute (which of course on Chrissy Day takes 3 1/2 hours)  back up to the retirement village (and that is a whole OTHER story) for Christmas again then Boxing Day back in the car for a bloody change and head home to the Wonder Dog!!!!

Ah yes, the best laid plans.................

So, we got as far as Sydney and the petrol station and that's when it all started!!!

Whilst waiting for some bloody idiot Audi driver to finish filling up his tank, clean his windscreen, polish his shoes, blow his nose and apply his lipstick BEFORE he went to pay, I could hear some hoon revving the beejeezus out of their engine.

Of course, our happy little trio was looking around to see who the goose was but couldn't work it out with all the frigging Toorak Tractors in the station.

I jumped out to fill the tank, and after taking out yet another mortgage to pay for the fuel, jumped back in the car and turned the engine on to hear that bloody hoon revving his engine.

Upon driving out of the service station, and with very little power, we realised that the ratbag hoon was indeed us and that we somehow appeared to have gained a jet plane engine under our hood!!!!


       Yes, the engine came from this, it just looks so much prettier in the sunset!!!!

Trying to decide whether to ignore it or not, the Senior Sergeant suggested that perhaps we should pull over and take a look.

So we did.

I pulled over, got out the car, looked at the car.......but nothing else happened.

So after a call to the lovely man at NRMA, he suggested we wait in the shade (oh, I did tell you that it was 40 frigging degrees didn't I???) for the next available patrolman.

But not before asking if I had children with me.

"Oh yes, I have two children here with me in this stifling heat where there is no shade" I replied (trying to make the children sound like they were two and crying!! - oh don't judge, you would do the same!!!) so that meant we were bumped up in the queue!!!!!

Then along came Joe the Patrolman. Now unfortunately I proceeded to then call him Jack from then on but he seemed happy enough with that.

Ok, this wasn't Joe or Jack, apparently this is Patrolman Jason - just go with it!!!

"Mmmmm, ahhhhh, ohhhhh, mmmmmm" murmured Jack as he was looking under the car.
"It seems you have lost your exhaust pipe," announced Jack as he was straightening himself up and attending to the third degree burns his body had just sustained from looking under the car whilst lying on a hot bitumen road.

"That's not too good is it" I replied (ah, no shit Sherlock!!!)

After looking at me in bewilderment and no doubt thinking that I was a few roos short in the top paddock he then advised me that "Nah mate, not too good" so off we followed him to the mechanics not too far away.

Of course it was a Sunday and no one was open.

Now, I'll try and shorten it from here!

This meant that Ma and Pa had to come down from the Retirement Village to pick our little trio up whilst Disneyland Dad also came to pick up some luggage and gifts that would be needed for Christmas. Being on non speaking terms, I would have bet the GDP that they would arrive at just the exact same time - which of course they did. After yet more awkward moments, Disneyland Dad left with a car full of presents and we continued our journey to the land of nod - oops, I mean the Retirement Village.

A lovely early Christmas dinner was had and after a bottle glass or two was drunk by me it was time for bed and to find out about the car in the morning.

Deck the halls...oh fa la la la la to you too!


Ok, this is taking far too long - I need to go and have a drink  cup of tea to settle my nerves from reliving this whole story.

The next instalment will continue in the next day or so when you will find out how I had to sell a body part to pay for the repairs and why I never want to catch a train on Christmas Day again!!!

Cheers

Lisa xox