How Much For Rudolph's Nose?

Ok, so I know many of you have been anxiously awaiting the next instalment of the Griswold Evans family Christmas debacle

When we last spoke I believe we had made it to the Land Of Nod, i.e. The Retirement Village of Nana and Pa and had partaken in the first of a number of Christmas feasts.

The following morning I telephoned the good people at the NRMA mechanics who advised me that the world had indeed closed down for a couple of weeks and that my car was not going to be ready for approximately 25 weeks.

Oh and that it would indeed cost approximately $3 million for the parts alone.

So, after a massive slight meltdown and deciding that it appeared my life was indeed over by this point, we managed to convince Disneyland Dad to make the trek to The Land of Nod to come and pick us up.

It appears the absolute desperation in my voice worked once for him and up he came to pick up Horse Girl the Senior Sergeant and myself.  Of course, the awkward moment occurred once again when we all rendezvoused but hey, get over it, and move on people.

Playing happy families, we drove back down the F3, with me noticing that D Dad is still quite possibly the world's most impatient driver and wondering if we were going to end up on one of those Cop shows.  But, let's face it, beggars can't be choosers and it wasn't me who was going to get fined (for once!!!).

After a swim, we all felt better and then proceeded to spend an interesting Christmas Eve together (although there was the awkward moment when the neighbour came over and I was exiting the bathroom after a shower and ...well...I am sure he will recover his eyesight within the next month or so).

Waking up at 3.20am on Christmas morning, the Senior Sergeant proceeded to ensure that Santa had indeed visited (this from the boy who EVERY OTHER YEAR has had to be WOKEN UP!). After making some undecipherable noise, I managed to get another 6.5 minutes sleep and then spent a cheery morning discovering what the Big Fella had left.

True!!!

With the kids going off to D Dad's family for Christmas lunch this year, they then dropped me at the train station (I know - wtf???) so I could return to the Land of Nod for yet another Chrsitmas meal. It has been some time since I have caught a train so of course I had no idea where/what/how the whole thing worked.

Of course, I had to catch two trains didn't I which made the panic in my throat start to burn me and with me suggesting to the ticket lady that she indeed travel with me as I had no idea what I was doing.

Upon her rejection, I made my way to the correct platform and managed to negotiate my way on to the train without falling over (and let me tell you, this is quite an amazing achevement for me)  and then managed to exit the train and find my way to another bloody platform for the ride up the coast.

Now this was my first time ever on a train on Christmas Day (I know, go figure!!) and I thought I would quite possibly be the only one on it. Oh, what a sheltered life I lead becuase the train was bloody well packed.

I managed to fight my way to a seat and shove my bag under my feet so was sitting with my knees up around my chin, but hey, it's Chrsitmas!!!!  Of course, mere moments later, the seat next to me was filled with what can only be described as a FREAKING NUT CASE who would not shut up the whole bloody trip.

Now, of course, I am not one to shy away from a conversation but I could not understand what in the hell this particular chappy was talking about as he kept repeating what I was saying but in some sort of 'tongue language'.  Praying for an emergency to occur, of course nothing happened so I decided to pop the ear plugs in my ear and listen to some music in the hope that he would SHUT THE HELL UP!!!

Oh no, of course not, he then unplugged one ear of mine and popped it in his ear so he could listen as well.

SO Countrylnk  I do apologise for leaving those contaminated ear phones on the train on Christtmas Day but SERIOUSLY!!!!!!!

Anyway, I managed to get back to the Land of Nod just in time for Christmas lunch when I was informed that there would be HAM SANDWICHES for CHRISTMAS LUNCH because a certain two had had a little disagreement that morning and nothing had been sorted.

Yippee - can life get any better?  Upon shoving a piece of ham down my throat I then curled up in the foetal position and managed to sleep for two hours (and let me tell you, this is an achievement for me)  when upon waking the delicious smell of pork belly was wafting through the house.

A lovely Christmas dinner was had with a bottle or two of Pa's finest (of course he tells me afterwards he had a bottle of Bollinger there just in case - IN CASE OF WHAT???? THAT I HAD TO CATCH A FRIGGING TRAIN ON CHRISTMAS DAY???)  and then went to bed confident that things could only get better.

Pic of Pa's garage fridge!!!!!

Which of course they did as by lunchtime on Boxing Day my knight in shining armour had arrived at The Land of Nod on his big white stallion (well car anyway but same thing) to rescue me and try to put some sanity back into my life. Of course, there is not enough thanks in the world for this heroic rescue effort but hopefully he understood how grateful I was when upon seeing his car turn up I threw myself on the bonnet whilst the car was still moving screamng at him to 'JUST KEEP DRIVING, DON"T STOP'.

Hi Ho SIlver....

Then the following day I get hold of the  mechanic who advised me that the only available part for my car was one which was indeed made of pure gold and encrusted with diamonds as the rest of the motor vehicle world would not be returning to work until July 2015.

So, after selling a body part (and I still don't know why no one made an offer on my liver??) on ebay, they managed to fix my car, and returned it to me after  they had nicely vacuumed it. VACUUMED IT?? They should have turned it into a freaking convertible with the ability to float on water and make me a skim latte on the journey to work with what it cost!!!

Honestly, who needs two hands on the wheel

But of course, all's well that ends well and I am happy to report that other than the fact that I need yet another new tyre and the brakes have about 10% life left in  them, we are all travelling well.

Except for that frigging bloody great big Kangaroo which bounded out in front of me on the Hume this morning on my way to work - mmm, brake function may be down to about 2% now!!

Stick to your own lane buddy!

Cheers

Lisa xox

Deck the Bloody Halls......

Yes yes Happy New Year and all that jazz.

I know that we are all over Christmas festivities now, just trying to cope with the credit card bills that have started to arrive (or is that just me???) but I thought I would share with you some of the experiences that the Griswold  Evans family had over the festive period - cos as you all know, there is never a frigging dull moment!!!!

So after months of negotiation, it was decided that Christmas would be held at my place. Yah - I shouted from the rooftops - that means I don't have any major driving this year for Christmas for a change.

Cos traffic is hell everywhere this time of year!!!

Now this past Christmas was Disneyland Dad's turn with the kids so the plan is that we play happy families on Christmas Eve night at his place, await the pitter patter of Santa's footsteps, wake up nice and early and rip into the presents then I was to head back from the big smoke to the humble little countryside.

Of course, as plans do, this was changed as everyone decided they basically couldn't be stuffed coming to my place!!!  Ah, ya gotta love families at Christmas time!!

Somewhat appropriate????

So, the plans were for Horse Girl, The Senior Sergeant and myself to drive up to the sunny Central Coast on the Sunday before Chrissy to see Nana and Pa and have the first of many Christmas meals with them.

Then, after an evening of eating and present opening, we were to drive back to Disneyland Dad's for Chrissy Eve, then Chrissy Day after more present opening I was to drive the normal 45 minute (which of course on Chrissy Day takes 3 1/2 hours)  back up to the retirement village (and that is a whole OTHER story) for Christmas again then Boxing Day back in the car for a bloody change and head home to the Wonder Dog!!!!

Ah yes, the best laid plans.................

So, we got as far as Sydney and the petrol station and that's when it all started!!!

Whilst waiting for some bloody idiot Audi driver to finish filling up his tank, clean his windscreen, polish his shoes, blow his nose and apply his lipstick BEFORE he went to pay, I could hear some hoon revving the beejeezus out of their engine.

Of course, our happy little trio was looking around to see who the goose was but couldn't work it out with all the frigging Toorak Tractors in the station.

I jumped out to fill the tank, and after taking out yet another mortgage to pay for the fuel, jumped back in the car and turned the engine on to hear that bloody hoon revving his engine.

Upon driving out of the service station, and with very little power, we realised that the ratbag hoon was indeed us and that we somehow appeared to have gained a jet plane engine under our hood!!!!


       Yes, the engine came from this, it just looks so much prettier in the sunset!!!!

Trying to decide whether to ignore it or not, the Senior Sergeant suggested that perhaps we should pull over and take a look.

So we did.

I pulled over, got out the car, looked at the car.......but nothing else happened.

So after a call to the lovely man at NRMA, he suggested we wait in the shade (oh, I did tell you that it was 40 frigging degrees didn't I???) for the next available patrolman.

But not before asking if I had children with me.

"Oh yes, I have two children here with me in this stifling heat where there is no shade" I replied (trying to make the children sound like they were two and crying!! - oh don't judge, you would do the same!!!) so that meant we were bumped up in the queue!!!!!

Then along came Joe the Patrolman. Now unfortunately I proceeded to then call him Jack from then on but he seemed happy enough with that.

Ok, this wasn't Joe or Jack, apparently this is Patrolman Jason - just go with it!!!

"Mmmmm, ahhhhh, ohhhhh, mmmmmm" murmured Jack as he was looking under the car.
"It seems you have lost your exhaust pipe," announced Jack as he was straightening himself up and attending to the third degree burns his body had just sustained from looking under the car whilst lying on a hot bitumen road.

"That's not too good is it" I replied (ah, no shit Sherlock!!!)

After looking at me in bewilderment and no doubt thinking that I was a few roos short in the top paddock he then advised me that "Nah mate, not too good" so off we followed him to the mechanics not too far away.

Of course it was a Sunday and no one was open.

Now, I'll try and shorten it from here!

This meant that Ma and Pa had to come down from the Retirement Village to pick our little trio up whilst Disneyland Dad also came to pick up some luggage and gifts that would be needed for Christmas. Being on non speaking terms, I would have bet the GDP that they would arrive at just the exact same time - which of course they did. After yet more awkward moments, Disneyland Dad left with a car full of presents and we continued our journey to the land of nod - oops, I mean the Retirement Village.

A lovely early Christmas dinner was had and after a bottle glass or two was drunk by me it was time for bed and to find out about the car in the morning.


Deck the halls...oh fa la la la la to you too!

Ok, this is taking far too long - I need to go and have a drink  cup of tea to settle my nerves from reliving this whole story.

The next instalment will continue in the next day or so when you will find out how I had to sell a body part to pay for the repairs and why I never want to catch a train on Christmas Day again!!!

Cheers

Lisa xox

Kiss Me Katut!!!!

Wow!
I can't believe that it is almost 3 months since I last wrote an insightful, yet very witty, post on the Country Gypsies blog.

I know, the screams of excitement that I am back are almost deafening, and I will now try to ensure that the witty ramblings of this little Gypsy are once again a lot more regular!!!

Screams of excitement from adoring fans!!!!!!

SO, let me fill you in peeps on all that has been happening in the life of the Country Gypsies.

Um...well..where to start.... ok, I got nothing!!!

SO instead, I will bore  review the year that was 2012, just in case you may have forgotten.

Of course we have moved house in 2012, as we appear to do most years. Unfortunately, 2012 saw us move twice, in a matter of 6 weeks, and yes I do pay my rent on time.  However, not only did the first house sell, then the second one, which we LOVED LOVED LOVED was repossessed by the bank as the owners were in a spot of trouble!

Here I am moving another heavy box!!!!!

Did someone say "spot of trouble" Nathan Tinkler anyone????

Never mind, we got the trusty removalists Josh and Josh back and these boys did yet another brilliant job. However, let's just say the unpacking hasn't quite finished as who knows what the next knock on the door might be....


Unfortunately Charlie the Wonder Dog is completely confused and really has no idea where we live so on his daily escape from our back yard (that is no lie I tell you), one can find him at a number of different properties that the little country gypsy van has stayed in.

Of course, he has now found the lovely couple up the road who have another Golden Retriever so he is often found up there kicking back with a pina colada in one hand, smoking a cigar by the pool.

It's a Dog's Life

The Senior Sergeant is on his last days as the Head Honcho at primary school - well school captain anyway. Just seems like yesterday he strode into his first day in kinder in Sydney, loudly declaring that he had arrived and everyone should just continue on. Thank goodness he eventually got over the phase of not wearing any underwear to school (well I think he did!!!).

Horse girl is heading into those wondrous years of school - Year 9!!! Oh what a joy the new school year will bring with all those teenage girls who cannot decide from one minute to the next who they like/don't like/can't stand/ bff's etc etc etc. However, she is one tough cookie so I am sure she will get them sorted out faster than she can say - Why can't I have a horse?????


ANd for this little black duck, well the working days of 2012 have proved to be VERY VERY VERY interesting. I learnt a lot about how people should not be treated, I learnt a lot about how when you sign a contract it always seems that those with more money can just turn around and say "oh, well, it wasn't a real contract" and I also learn more about how people can just lie straight to another person's face without flinching. But hey, I know that I can lie straight in bed at night (well, when my back is having a good day that is) and that eventually, some day, maybe in a pink fit, those people will pay me what they owe me and honour that contract.

But I have also been teaching a lot and that has been fun. Nothing like suffering from a bout of tonsillitis (when you don't have your bloody tonsils!!!) and trying to teach and having kids tell you that you look worse than when Dad gets home from the pub after a night out (mmmm, hope he liked HIS report card) or the little girl who asks you if you ever actually brush your hair cause its always so 'all over the place' (well, did she ever look in the mirror!!!), or the boy who tells you how much he loves you (and can he have the one remaining chocolate Santa) or the little girl who gives you a Christmas card with your name spelt wrong, but she tells you how much she loves you and that you are her best friend!!!!!!

So, all in all, it has been one busy year.  2013 - who knows what to expect the next 12 months will bring us.

But hopefully, you will have a very Happy Christmas with few family arguments (unlike my own!) and that the New Year is filled with whatever you want it to be (personally, 12 months on a semi deserted island with just a select few is sounding pretty good right about now but......)

Kiss me Katut!!!!!!

Cheers

Lisa x0x